I AM EXHAUSTED.
Leading worship is great. I know fully well that this is what God has called to me to do and I’m so glad I’ve been put into the position to do so. Although through all of this, I’m so tired. Spiritually, physically, emotionally. Week in week out I’m pouring so much of myself out to others and I myself don’t have time to just rest in the simple gospel of Christ and see the fruits from which I was able to be apart of. What I do is important, which is why for the most part, I almost never pass up on playing music or leading worship because I know that this is an ability to change people’s lives and to know God more and to show his glory, but to do that all the time and to be at a place where there is a constant encouragement of stepping to lead is very difficult.
I find myself at the end of each night, drained, because I just don’t feel like I have anymore to give. That my worship might be limited. I know that isn’t true. For me, I think that there is just an empty tank, and I need to refuel it. I need to have an outlet to where I am not constantly feeling the need to pour into someones life and really someone to put into me that way I can be refilled and ready to worship even more. I’m nervous talking about this because I have a fear that people will judge me due to that I might be selfish. That God gave me this ability to use. Maybe I am selfish but even after God worked, he rested; able to look at the beautiful creation he made. I just want to have a little bit of time like that every once and a while, that’s all.
So where does this leave me?
Psalm 57:7 says, “My heart is confident in You, oh God; my heart is confident. No wonder I can sing your praises!”
Are there others struggling? Yes. Are there people that need wisdom? Yes. Are there people that need to know that they are loved? Absolutely. This is why I will never ever stop what I am doing. Don't think that I'll just give up. I'll never stop worshiping, I promise.