I’m going to get straight to the point and say that it can be difficult to live with another person, especially freshman year. You’ve just entered this new atmosphere of almost-adulthood and you get thrown into tight quarters with a completely new person. It can be hard to figure out how to live with this stranger and get to know them in such a close setting. You aren’t guaranteed to be best friends; some personalities just don’t mesh, but you can get along.
My first interaction with my roommate, Abby Kamin, was on Facebook (Btw, you'll want to check out some of her awesome articles here). We messaged each other quite a bit before we met, but it still felt a little like we had online-dated and were just meeting in person, each hoping that the other was not a psychopath.
As it turns out, we get along super well and love living together. The first time we met, we even wore the same SAU t-shirts. As we got to know each other, we discovered a lot more that we had in common. Our high schools, from different areas, actually had the same mascot and school colors. We use the same scent of deodorant, we don’t like olives or tomatoes, and we’re both visual learners. We love hanging out and talking, but we also like our alone time. We have the kinds of personalities that click and allow us to just be comfortable with each other.
Now at this point, you’re probably about to gag at my perfect story about how my roommate and I get along so well.
Not everyone will have so many similarities with their roommates, so here are some tips, things I’ve found to be super helpful when living with a roommate:
1. Look at your roommate through God’s eyes.
The most important thing you can do is recognize that the other person is a beloved child of God. Your roommate is created in God’s image and no matter how hard they are to get along with, they are precious in his sight. This perspective can change almost any rocky roommate relationship.
2. Be intentional with planning stuff to do together.
This may seem ridiculous if you two don’t get along, but it’s important if you ever want to learn to get along. You need to set aside focused time to get to know each other better. Things aren’t going to improve by avoiding each other and only hanging out when you both happen to be in the room at the same time.
3. Do things outside your room.
Get coffee together, do homework in the library, or go off campus to Target. Do something to get out of your room. Pillow-talk is good, but often spending time with someone in a new environment will help you both open up more.
4. Ask them about their day.
Simply ask how their day went. Also, it really shows that you care when you remember details and ask them about things like a presentation they were nervous about or their friend back home.
5. Be vulnerable.
I’m not saying you have to share your life story and spill your closet full of secrets, but be willing to open up. Be vulnerable. You’ll be surprised how much better you’ll get along.
6. Be sensitive to their needs.
This is probably the hardest, but makes the most impact. When you put the other person and their needs before yourself, big things start to happen. People take notice, and it will eventually be reciprocated. That is how you learn to love people even when you have polar opposite personalities. As Christians, the Holy Spirit gives us the power to do this, and through him,any roommates can learn to love each other.
Alright, so those are very practical tips for getting along with people, but do you want to know the real reason I have such a great roommate?
I prayed about it.
That’s it. It wasn’t up to coincidence or fate. Last spring in the midst of filling out forms for college and tying up loose ends in high school, I prayed for a roommate who would not only get along with me, but be my friend. I put it in God’s hands and trusted him to work it out for the both of us. And he did.
Not only is this testimony that prayer is powerful and effective, but that God is involved in my life and yours, and our relationships, even before they start.
It’s important to remember that God answers prayers in different ways. He said “yes” to mine and brought me an incredible roommate. To you he might say, “Not yet… I’m trying to teach you something.” I don’t know what God has planned for your life. He might be asking you to let go of some pride, to talk to him more, or any of a thousand lessons he could teach you through the experience of living with someone you don’t like.
God calls us to live in harmony with one another. Trust in his power to make that happen.
