Just Because I Still Don't Smile In Selfies Doesn't Mean I'm Unhappy With My Progress
Start writing a post
Arts Entertainment

Just Because I Still Don't Smile In Selfies Doesn't Mean I'm Unhappy With My Progress

A majority of my selfies were centered around my smile and now they are all about my eyes.

258
Just Because I Still Don't Smile In Selfies Doesn't Mean I'm Unhappy With My Progress

I am still learning my name as I have only been Ian for five months. I am still processing this vision of myself that I am starting to see and I am still feminine in many ways. Finding out my own identity is very uneasy. The changes, the uncertainty, once I was lifeless and now I am learning about all these possibilities. Thus, I don't know how to smile as Ian, but I do know what I see is progress and I am too far to accept anything less than this shear image looking back at me as Ian.

My smile has always been one of my best attributes. For a long time all I did was smile because I was told I had such a pretty smile by many and honestly I loved my smile. I didn't always have that smile. I started smiling a lot more after I got my braces off which were on from the third grade till my seventh grade year of school. Yes, my teeth along with my smile were far from "perfect". My teeth were far from doing their job too as my two front teeth were facing inwards basically on top of each other. So what I typically have said is big teeth, small mouth, lots to talk about. (Yes its okay to laugh about)

Once my teeth had been resized for my mouth, my confidence spiked. Truly I never really knew how to reply to having a nice smile because my parents paid for me to have it. Not everyone is fortunate enough to afford braces, but I thank my parents for paying for my brother and I to have straight teeth. Thus, as most I showed off my smile.

June 2018 v December 2018@ian_mackenzie24

But once I started to figure out who I was, I unintentionally stopped smiling in my selfies. I started noticing all of comparison pictures were of me not smiling in the present. Rather, I started angling my face one way or another to try to show jaw comparisons which I liked. Because when I did the angle comparisons, I saw slight differences opposed to straight on.

Too, I saw my eyes clearer. I see life in my eyes. Something that had been lost in previous pictures. The way I look into the camera now is someone I am seeing form and that excites me. So, although my smile has yet to make an appearance, my eyes are becoming full from the image I once never imagined.

I have brown hair, soft eyes and lost myself along the way. But, I am very happy to see the person I am becoming. Not every day is easy and anyone that is transitioning can tell you that dysphoria can get the best of you. But, if you're reading this, know that we are doing the best that we can.

Report this Content
This article has not been reviewed by Odyssey HQ and solely reflects the ideas and opinions of the creator.
Alexis Hoffman

Due to the COVID-19 pandemic, we all know that cutting out social interaction has taken its toll.

Keep Reading... Show less
Health and Wellness

I Asked Instagram How 2020 Was, And Maybe It Wasn't The Worst Year Ever

2020 is a year to remember but it's not as bad as we made it out to be.

16648

It's finally 2021 and we're honestly all just happy that 2020 is over. I decided to ask my Instagram followers how they felt about 2020 and the results were a little more mixed up than expected.

Keep Reading... Show less

Ever since I watched "How To Lose A Guy In 10 Days," I've been a major Matthew McConaughey fan. I've seen most of his movies, and I definitely got way too excited when he finally made an Instagram! So when he announced he would be releasing a memoir titled "Greenlights," I knew I absolutely had to get my hands on this book. And so did the rest of the world, as the book began to flood social media.

Truthfully, I would much rather read a fiction book and dive into another world than read a nonfiction book - even if it is one of my favorite celebrities. But I had a feeling this book wouldn't disappoint or bore.

Keep Reading... Show less
Entertainment

The Armie Hammer Scandal Discourse Is Kink Shaming And Harming Actual Victims

The rumors surrounding Armie Hammer has resulted in some very toxic and harmful discourse.

2414

Sex is something that occupies a very significant place in our lives. Even asexual people can have an active sex life. With the various types of people that comprise this world, it obviously results in various sexual interests. And unconventional people can engage in some pretty unconventional sex practices. Even the most conventional people on the surface might surprise us with their sexual fantasies.

Keep Reading... Show less
Entertainment

The Top 10 'Sex and the City' Episodes You Need To Revisit Before The New Series

In anticipation for the upcoming series, "And Just Like That," here are the ten "Sex and the City" episodes you need to revisit.

1607
HBO

"Sex and the City" has become quite the franchise since its premiere in the late nineties. The series lasted six seasons and even produced two films. Fans of the show were anxiously awaiting a revival, even if their hopes seemed futile. Kim Cattrall, who plays Samantha Jones, recently spoke out saying she would not return to the show. Cattrall explained that she was never friends with her co-stars and even had a difficult relationship with Sarah Jessica Parker.

In the wake of Cattrall's revelation, rumors swirled the series would come back without her. On January 10, a new teaser was posted on social media for the new series, "And Just Like That." Now that a revival is officially confirmed, here are the ten "Sex and the City" episodes you need to revisit.

Keep Reading... Show less
Health and Wellness

My New Tattoo Reminds Me To Love Everyone With Intention—And Yes, That Includes Myself

I've realized that love has almost nothing to do with agreeing and almost everything to do with grace.

8855
Photo by Brooke Cagle on Unsplash

I'm a big believer that everyone has a story.

Keep Reading... Show less
Lum3n

Women are known to lug around heavy purses with unnecessary items inside. How many of these useful items do you keep in your own bag? We need to be prepared with a list of things to have with us whenever we leave the house again.

Keep Reading... Show less
Facebook Comments