As I sit down and do my best to prepare for my upcoming finals, my mind finds it all too easy to wander from my finance textbooks to Saint Elsewhere. It's during these moments, when I'm hating finance and wishing I was doing anything else, that I ponder my future. And while some may think it’s early, I have never thought it too soon to plan ahead. Hence, Spencer Bemel’s top baby names for the next decade.
Section 1: A very popular trend in the Baby Boomers generation was to follow the names given to the Biblical greats: Joseph, Sarah, Jacob, Joshua, ect. In my ideal future, we name our children in accordance with another inspirational tale: Star Wars. How great it would be to populate our great nation with the fictitious names thought of by George Lucas himself? Having Han's, Leia’s, maybe even an Obi Wan? What a hoot. Also, a very respectable way to celebrate the trailer that dropped late November.
Section 2: It’s our generation’s turn to restore the names that belong to the elderly. The only way to do so is to name our own children the names that belong to the current grandparents. I find it unsettling knowing that my children will grow up in a world filled with Grandma Madison’s and Grandpa AJ’s. Hence, I suggest taking one for the team, and restoring the Margaret’s, Barbara’s, Stewart’s, Richard’s, and such back into our world.
Section 3: I was never a fan of the North West phenomenon. It is not appropriate or cute to endow children with the names of any direction or airline. Except maybe Ryan Air. But only if you cut out the air part.
Section 4: I have always been an advocate for the original OG's: Socrates and Aristotle. And while it may not be “cool” for your child to introduce themselves as Constantine, how awesome it would be for that child to introduce themselves by “Coco" and then get to blast their friends with their actual name when they're old enough to see it as distinguished, and not a type of puff? Plus, any resume with Constantine at the top is sure to draw some attention.
Section 5: Start your kids off right by adding some swagger to their name. One easy way to do this is through placing a simple P in front of any H name (Phannah, Phank, Phugo). Silent but deadly, and oh so cool. If you don't see your child being able to pull off a silent P, you could always opt for a traditional non-traditional name. Flynn, Quarry, or Haven all seem to have their own natural vibrato.
Section 6: Although it is becoming ever so popular to name children after a random word on a random page in a random book (i.e. Frost, Unique, Diamond), let's refrain from that. Words shall remain words, and names will remain names.
Section 7: There is nothing wrong with sticking to the family - they're classics for a reason. You best believe Imma populate this planet with a Spencer Junior (SJ), or maybe even an Spencer III. If the kings did it, why can’t we?Section 8: Please don’t try to get cute by forming an exotic name through altering it's more common derivative. If you like the name Coleman, don’t get fancy and spell it with a K – that just annoys the rest of us. (Shout out to my EIC!)
These are some very bold predictions for the upcoming years, but I'm confident they will all come to fruition. Especially the Star Wars one. Take it or leave it, the Force is yours. And now back to finance.