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Funny One Liners

With all the stress going on in the world lately we all need a break. The perfect solution for that, one liners!

Amber Smith

Dec 18, 2016

Western New England University

1022

With all the stress from the finals and everything else going on lately we all need a break. The perfect solution for that, one liners! It’s amazing how much wit and double meaning can be encapsulated in such short jokes!

Can a kangaroo jump higher than a house? Of course, a house doesn't jump at all.

by short-funny.com

My dog used to chase people on a bike. Eventually it got so bad I had to take his bike away.

by short-funny.com

What's the difference between a snowman and a snowwoman? Snowballs.

by short-funny.com

Two fortune tellers meet on the street. The first says “You’re fine, how am I?”

by thekencook

If you can’t be positive, just be double negative

by Wafor

I stayed up all night trying to remember if I have insomnia or amnesia.

by Kebble

If you can’t blame a guy for trying, why is attempted murder a crime?

by Kebble

I just lost my mood ring, I’m not sure how I feel about this.

by Beaky_Bollocks

A woman told me that I had cute knuckles, but I know that it was just a backhanded compliment.

by 4everNdeavor

I got fired as a hit man; I don’t know why, everyone I was told to take out said they had a lovely evening and were willing to go on a second date.

by 13arry

When my friend told me to stop impersonating a flamingo I had to put my foot down.

by 4everNdeavor

I’m buying my wife a wooden leg for christmas.It’s not her main present, just a stocking stuffer.

by wastoo

With great power comes great electricity bills

by 4everNdeavor

Time flies when you’re throwing clocks

by sum_buddy

The store told me people won’t buy my personal life size replicas like they would a figurine but I told them don’t sell me short.

by 13arry

I’m an archaeologist, my life is in ruins.

by PackOfMeese

Knowing how to pick locks has really opened a lot of doors for me.

by 13arry

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Funny One Liners

With all the stress going on in the world lately we all need a break. The perfect solution for that, one liners!

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The Best Lines from the Fab Four

And in the end, the love you take is equal to the love you make

The sun is up, the sky is blue, it's beautiful and so are you

Love is old, love is new, love is all, love is you

There's nowhere you can be that isn't where you're meant to be

Life is very short, and there's no time for fussing and fighting, my friend

He say, "I know you, you know me", One thing I can tell you is you got to be free

Oh please, say to me, You'll let me be your man. And please say to me, You'll let me hold your hand

It was twenty years ago today, Sgt. Pepper taught the band to play. They've been going in and out of style, but they're guaranteed to raise a smile

Living is easy with eyes closed, misunderstanding all you see

Can you hear me? When it rains and shine, it's just a state of mind

Little darling, it's been long cold lonely winter. Little darling, it feels like years since it' s been here. Here comes the sun, Here comes the sun, and I say it's alright

We danced through the night and we held each other tight, and before too long I fell in love with her. Now, I'll never dance with another when I saw her standing there

I love you, I love you, I love you, that's all I want to say

You say you want a revolution. Well you know, we all want to change the world

All the lonely people, where do they all come from. All the lonely people, where do they all belong

Oh, I get by with a little help from my friends

Hey Jude, don't make it bad. Take a sad song and make it better

Yesterday, all my troubles seemed so far away. Now it looks as though they're here to stay. Oh, I believe in yesterday

And when the brokenhearted people, living in the world agree, there will be an answer, let it be.

And anytime you feel the pain, Hey Jude, refrain. Don't carry the world upon your shoulders

I'll give you all I got to give if you say you'll love me too. I may not have a lot to give but what I got I'll give to you. I don't care too much for money. Money can't buy me love

All you need is love, love is all you need

Whisper words of wisdom, let it be

Blackbird singing in the dead of night, Take these broken wings and learn to fly. All your life, You were only waiting for this moment to arise

Though I know I'll never lose affection, for people and things that went before. I know I'll often stop and think about them. In my life, I love you more

Obviously the best superpower.

There have been many lessons learned.

1. The importance of traditions.

2. How to be thankful for family and friends.

3. How to give back.

4. What the word "community" really means.

5. That it isn't about the destination, but the journey.

6. The consequences of making bad choices.

7. To trust people, until you have a reason not to.

8. To be welcoming and accepting of everyone.

9. How to be my own, individual person.

10. How to work for what I want.

11. How to be great at giving directions.

12. How to be humble.

13. To be well-rounded.

14. How to be great at conflict resolution.

15. The beauty of getting outside and exploring.

16. To be prepared for anything.

17. That you don't always have to do it alone.

18. How to be creative.

19. To brush off gossip.

I have never been so thankful to know you.

Dealing with the inevitable realities of college life.

Don't freak out

Email the professor

Attend the first class

Keep attending class

Have a backup plan

Remember that everything works out at the end

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