Funny One Liners
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Funny One Liners

With all the stress going on in the world lately we all need a break. The perfect solution for that, one liners!

 Amber Smith
Dec 18, 2016
Western New England University
998
Funny One Liners
pinterest

With all the stress from the finals and everything else going on lately we all need a break. The perfect solution for that, one liners! It’s amazing how much wit and double meaning can be encapsulated in such short jokes!

Can a kangaroo jump higher than a house? Of course, a house doesn't jump at all.

by short-funny.com


My dog used to chase people on a bike. Eventually it got so bad I had to take his bike away.

by short-funny.com



What's the difference between a snowman and a snowwoman? Snowballs.

by short-funny.com


Two fortune tellers meet on the street. The first says “You’re fine, how am I?”

by thekencook



If you can’t be positive, just be double negative

by Wafor


I stayed up all night trying to remember if I have insomnia or amnesia.

by Kebble


If you can’t blame a guy for trying, why is attempted murder a crime?

by Kebble


I just lost my mood ring, I’m not sure how I feel about this.

by Beaky_Bollocks



A woman told me that I had cute knuckles, but I know that it was just a backhanded compliment.

by 4everNdeavor


I got fired as a hit man; I don’t know why, everyone I was told to take out said they had a lovely evening and were willing to go on a second date.

by 13arry


When my friend told me to stop impersonating a flamingo I had to put my foot down.

by 4everNdeavor


I’m buying my wife a wooden leg for christmas.It’s not her main present, just a stocking stuffer.

by wastoo



With great power comes great electricity bills

by 4everNdeavor


Time flies when you’re throwing clocks

by sum_buddy


The store told me people won’t buy my personal life size replicas like they would a figurine but I told them don’t sell me short.

by 13arry


I’m an archaeologist, my life is in ruins.

by PackOfMeese


Knowing how to pick locks has really opened a lot of doors for me.

by 13arry


[rebelmouse-proxy-image https://media.rbl.ms/image?u=%2Ffiles%2F2016%2F11%2F18%2F636150349805643482-1265592112_laugh.gif&ho=https%3A%2F%2Faz616578.vo.msecnd.net&s=887&h=b71865a4069678510fec948dfe77ac5b98578a87637074e04caecea6ea77e5d9&size=980x&c=3759061838 crop_info="%7B%22image%22%3A%20%22https%3A//media.rbl.ms/image%3Fu%3D%252Ffiles%252F2016%252F11%252F18%252F636150349805643482-1265592112_laugh.gif%26ho%3Dhttps%253A%252F%252Faz616578.vo.msecnd.net%26s%3D887%26h%3Db71865a4069678510fec948dfe77ac5b98578a87637074e04caecea6ea77e5d9%26size%3D980x%26c%3D3759061838%22%7D" expand=1]


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