With all the stress from the finals and everything else going on lately we all need a break. The perfect solution for that, one liners! It’s amazing how much wit and double meaning can be encapsulated in such short jokes!
Can a kangaroo jump higher than a house? Of course, a house doesn't jump at all.
My dog used to chase people on a bike. Eventually it got so bad I had to take his bike away.
What's the difference between a snowman and a snowwoman? Snowballs.
Two fortune tellers meet on the street. The first says “You’re fine, how am I?”
by thekencook
If you can’t be positive, just be double negative
by Wafor
I stayed up all night trying to remember if I have insomnia or amnesia.
by Kebble
If you can’t blame a guy for trying, why is attempted murder a crime?
by Kebble
I just lost my mood ring, I’m not sure how I feel about this.
A woman told me that I had cute knuckles, but I know that it was just a backhanded compliment.
by 4everNdeavor
I got fired as a hit man; I don’t know why, everyone I was told to take out said they had a lovely evening and were willing to go on a second date.
by 13arry
When my friend told me to stop impersonating a flamingo I had to put my foot down.
by 4everNdeavor
I’m buying my wife a wooden leg for christmas.It’s not her main present, just a stocking stuffer.
by wastoo
With great power comes great electricity bills
by 4everNdeavor
Time flies when you’re throwing clocks
by sum_buddy
The store told me people won’t buy my personal life size replicas like they would a figurine but I told them don’t sell me short.
by 13arry
I’m an archaeologist, my life is in ruins.
by PackOfMeese
Knowing how to pick locks has really opened a lot of doors for me.
by 13arry
