A common misconception about Christians is that we're boring. That's so not true! My friends and I never stop laughing, we just have a different sense of humor. Lots of our jokes actually revolve around the Bible.

This past week I went to a week long "retreat" that my church calls the "College Training". https://collegetraining.org/home/2017/ . It's where college students go and hear three messages a day and have group activities, all to learn more about Christ and experience Him. I could go on, but I basically just wanted to show the world that one week provides plenty of funny lines and moments. Enjoy this little look into some good wholesome Christian comedy.

*A background note. I dislocated my ankle last month, so I was in a wheelchair for a lot of this retreat.*

“Is the New Jerusalem wheelchair accessible?”

Or for some, Heaven*.

"How can I get up the stairway to Heaven if I'm in a wheelchair?" "You'll have to take Jacob's Elevator."

As opposed to Jacob's Ladder.

*sings Revelation 15:3 to the tune of Celine Dion’s My Heart Will Go On*

Part of the training is memorizing at least five verses a day. To help remember, we sing songs. Try it, the tune works! Rev. 15:3 And they sang the song of Moses, the slave of God, and the song of the lamb, saying, Great and wonderful are your works, Lord God the Almighty! Righteous and true are Your ways, O King of the nations!

*me trying to get through a crowd* “PART THE RED SEA!”

“Holy! Holy! Holy! Rockin’ everywhere!”

Courtesy of Rev. 4:8 ...Holy holy holy! Lord God the Almighty! Who was and who is and who is coming!

“I got a 25 on my midterm. Do you know what my reaction was?” *student screams*

Same.

*corporate laugh* *corporate cringe*

All one Body of Christ man.

“Let me tell you about the time the TSA thought brother Bill was a terrorist”

He was moving to Russia after the end of the Soviet Union to spread the gospel. He had a lot of cash in a very large coat. He also had ashes from Lenin's grave in his bag. He called his wife from the police station. You really can't say Christians are boring.

“I was a Bible smuggler. When I got caught with a bunch of Chinese ministry books, I told security that they were mine.”

*says an elderly white man from New York, not able to speak a lick of Chinese* This was when the Bible was illegal in China.

*brother pushing me through a grassy field in a wheelchair* “Maybe next year I’ll break my leg.”

*rolling through in my wheelchair* FOR THE GLORY!!

“If Jesus is the living Bread, does that mean Satan is gluten-free?”

“When we say, Lord Jesus, I love you, does he blush?”

“In the name of Daniel 4:35, what are You doing?”

“In the name of Acts 7:2, Listen.”

YOU SHOULD BE SORRY! I’M A GOD MAN! I SHOULDN’T HAVE TO HEAR THOSE THINGS!

When someone swears around us, this should be our reaction.

“We sat around listening to 45mm records and sipping Coca-Cola’s, and we thought we were bad!”

The 50's was a magical time, much more sanctified than the age we live in today.

“Will you wash my robe?’ “No.” “Marry me?” “No??”

So we were talking about God's desire, and how we need to know Him before He reveals His heart to us. Because you wouldn't go up to a complete stranger and reveal your heart to them, that would just be crazy. So the brother speaking talked about when he was trying to court his wife.

“It’s infusion time!”

We need Christ infused in us!

“We need to be salty.”

We are the salt of the Earth.

“Ho! Ho!” “You called?”

*sweating* “God created us without clothes. I’m reverting to my natural form. Let's get naked!”

“I need a burger, I’m tired of all this rice.” “Yeah, me too. We must restore the order.”

I am an American carnivore, dangit! Tired of all this healthy food! Why are Christians such health nuts? Just give me a burger and fries, I'm happy.

“Guys, the Lord answered my prayers! There are burgers today! He is a rewarder of those who diligently seek Him!”

Heb. 11:6

“Righteousness and Justy i- wait what?”

Trying to memorize Psa. 89:14 and that happened. It's supposed to be Justice.

*studying for the test* “Lord, I’m ready for the rapture! Take me!” *spreads eagle on bed*

This applies to literally every test ever, but specifically, we get tested on the verses at the end of the week.

“His surpassing riches” *making it rain*

“His eternal POWER” *dabs*

*dabs whenever strength or power are mentioned in a verse*

*milly rocks, whips, and nae nae's to a song written to Phil. 1:20*

Our friend has not fully left behind the ways of the world. Neither have I. *milly rocks through Egypt*

“Woo!” “Sounds like an upside down cow.” *queue awful woo and cow sounds*

*every time a bug flew past us* I HAVE DOMINION OVER YOU! I KNOW YOUR MAKER!

We have dominion over all the creatures of Earth. Genesis.

*literally any inconvenience* Matthew 4:10 says, GO AWAY SATAN!

“There will be a bonfire tonight in the field!” “It’s lit, come thru”

"One day, we'll really be the Bride of Christ, and we'll be singing in the New Jerusalem!" *picks up another brother and starts dancing in the front*

*slaps brother's butt* "Woah, wrong rainbow!"

So that evening message we talked about how the rainbow originally stood for God's covenant with man in Genesis. (I'm just stating a Bible fact here, regardless of what it means today.) So after the meeting, some brothers were hanging outside and one threw something at one, so he went and smacked him. To which my friend replied the above. It was pretty funny.

*on our way home from upstate NY* “Zec. 2:6 Ho! Ho! Flee the land of the North!”

I live in the middle of CT, so we were driving south. We actually stumbled on the verse by playing the license plate game, where you take letters and numbers on a license plate to find a bible verse. Fun road trip game! This one was perfect.

There were other countless funnies that I can't remember. Comment your funny Christian moments or jokes from your own retreats! Have a God day everyone!