We all know that famous breakup line, "It's not you, it's me.", but we also all know it probably is you. For me, it really is me.
Since my last boyfriend, the idea of dating hasn't even crossed my mind. Of course when I'm on my couch watching netflix I think of cuddling with a person but beyond that, nothing. Before you ask, I am in no way hung up on my ex. I have no desire to be in contact with him and likewise on his part. It was until recently that I have become aware of what I am really longing for. I don't want a guy to tell me I'm pretty or to buy me things I want but don't need. What I really want comes from myself. I don't want to have to worry about whether or not I took the right picture to show off my features, or that I don't forget to text a person back (I do that all the time.) I want to put myself first and focus on my career. I want to be able to look myself in the face and legitimately say "I am an independant woman, I am smart, I am successful."
I was once told that college was the place to find a husband. Women apparently pay $40,000 to get a MRS degree. If you are that kind of lady I'm sorry but I can not and will not defend you against liberal feminist. I pay $40,000 a year so that I will have a job doing something I am knowledgeable about, something I care about. Not so that I can have babies and do house work while my husband is out changing the world. I want to change the world. In order to get a MRS degree, you have to go on date, at least once. I for one, hate the idea of going on a date. I actually didn't realize that until last week when I cancelled plans twice and then proceeded to tell a rather attractive guy that I was stuck on the side of the highway (I wasn't), then deleted his number. Yes, I blew off a wonderful, nice, attractive gentleman just because I would rather go to the gym, make a chai latte and organize my things for the 20th time this week. I don't do anything that I don't want to do, if I say I don't want to go out, then I'm not going to.
To the guy I kept cancelling on, I'm sorry. I couldn't find a way to tell you I didn't feel like going out. Maybe someone will come into my life that will change my mind, but I'm a pretty stubborn person. I wish he who tries, good luck.
It's not that I'm afraid to go out with a new guy. It's that I want to be myself while I still can. I don't want to be defined by having the need to have a guy. So when I say it's not you, it's me. It really is me. I want a degree that's more useful than a MRS degree. I want to be able to figure myself out before I add more people to my crazy, coffee craving, reorganizing for the 30th time, life.
