I'm still reeling from what happened last Sunday in Orlando, Florida. I haven't gone more than an hour without thinking about the souls lost in the Pulse shooting. This was a tragedy that could have been avoided, but I won't go into that here. I'm here to express how I feel about this attack on my community.
After reading about what had happened I sent a message to my best friend that was something along the lines of "I'm sad today, the world is scary." He hadn't read into what had happened so I told him that people like me had been the target. People like me. People, human beings that love people of the same gender or sex. People who have been fighting so hard to be able to practice their love, who just a year ago celebrated a win for the community. People who had families and loved ones and lovers alike. People who had dreams and hopes for the future. People like me.
Being a part of the LGBTQ+ community is kind of like a really weird-but-fun roller coaster that doesn't seem to stop. One minute we're celebrating the right to marry who we wish and having parades to show that we aren't afraid to be who we are, the next, 49 people are being killed in a club that was meant to be a safe place for people to express themselves and be who they want to be. We are constantly at battle against those who want to bring us down, to tell us that we are no better than the scum of the Earth. There have been many times where I have felt the need to hide my identity just to keep myself as safe as possible, and that makes me sad. I am proud to be a queer woman, and I shouldn't have to hide that from anyone.
It's been interesting to see people who are not a part of the community react to what happened. I can tell that they are much less affected by what happened. I'll be honest, when some of the past tragedies have taken place, I really didn't react. I can see where people are coming from, but this attack hit close to home for me, and I found myself crying quietly to myself as I was reading about what the scene was like on that awful night. These are people that I identify with, and it made me realize that it could have been anyone. Two of my best friends were at Pride celebrations this weekend and they could have been attacked, I could have lost two of the most important people in my life. Hatred and bigotry is getting innocent people killed and it terrifies me because what if it's me next time? What if it is my best friend Brandon, or Jesse, or Mel, or Kayla, or any of the other members of my community that I have bonded with over the community we share? No one knows what will happen, but what I do know is that I'm not quitting now.
I refuse to let this attack on my community be the reason I hide. I have fought to be who I am and I will continue to fight for those who cannot come out yet. I will show my pride, I will march, I will defend my people for as long as I live. You can take our lives, but you cannot take our voices.
If you lost someone because they were a member of the LGBTQ+ community, I am so sorry. If you are struggling to stay afloat in a place that doesn't accept you, know that you ARE NOT alone, and that it will get better soon. If you are reading this and know someone who is struggling, go offer them some support. If you are sitting there feeling alone, know that I love you. I may just be a 20-year-old queer woman typing on her laptop, but I love you and I care about you. I know you can be who you want to be.
My heart is with you.
