Being a single Christian girl in today's dating world is a real struggle, yall.
And if anybody knows about being single, it's me. (Being that I have never actually been in a real relationship before) I am totally content with living the single life for now, and I know that someday God's promise to me will be fulfilled. I need to start off and be honest by saying that I have not always been happy. There have been times I have dealt with rejection from guys, not feeling good or pretty enough, and feeling like there is just something wrong with me in general. That was before I knew my identity in Christ. Throughout the years, I have learned many things along the way that has helped me truly find contentment and happiness in learning how to love where I am right now. Since I have dealt with and sorted through literally every emotion of singleness, I thought I would share some of the things I've learned that may help you thrive in your season of waiting.
"Do not love the world, or anything in the world. If anyone loves the world, love for the Father is not in them." 1 John 2:15 First and foremost, stop giving in to the ways of the world.
You're the daughter of a King. You don't have to sell yourself short. You don't have to be afraid to say no. You most certainly do not need to feel pressured to compromise in today's dating world. If you do, you will definitely end up settling for less than God has in store for you. It is very hard to stand firm in today's society where it is totally "normal" to have casual sex, party on the weekends, obsess over your body image and how fat/thin you think you are, and think that the material things you own will make you more desirable to man.
Newsflash, none of these things will make you more "desirable" to the man God created just for you. I will be willing to admit, there were a few times when I almost compromised. There were also times when I beat myself up and put down on myself because I felt like I was the problem. If you have ever felt this way before, LISTEN TO ME, GIRL. The enemy will fight tooth and nail to slip inside your head and tell you all the lies that will make you forget what God said YOU ARE. You must fight against this, relentlessly. You must remind yourself of the truth. NOT TODAY, SATAN. You are valuable in the eyes of your creator. In my personal opinion, casual dating in which the relationship is not growing is dangerous. Just think, this could be someone else's person. I cringe at the thought of spending time with someone else's husband. Make sure that any potential people that come along in the process of praying for a spouse is helping you grow closer to Him and not further away. Take notes and write down all the pros and cons of continuing to see this person.
"The heartfelt counsel of a friend is as sweet as perfume and insense."
Proverbs 27:9 Surround yourself with the right friends. You must develop friendships with people who want to see you thrive. Find friends that pour into you, that will help you embrace your true self. Healthy friendships are so important. (And I am not talking about the friends who are fun to have a good time with-Who will encourage you to drown your sorrows in toxic behaviors) I'm talking about the ones who will not only set aside time to listen to you, but will be ready to remind you of your worth in Christ when your faith is running low. (it happens to us all) I like to think of my friends as real-life angels that God placed here on earth to look out for me and keep me in line, because that's what they are. True friends will be just as concerned about your dating life as you are. They will never let you settle. They will want to know every single detail about that guy you've been seeing. (sometimes they're more excited about it than you are) But these friends will also be straight up honest with you when they get a bad vibe and they will notice red flags that you may seem to be missing. Most importantly, they will also hold you accountable and call you out when you're falling short. If you have these friends in your life, hold onto them. If your friends are the opposite of this, you may want to consider re-evaluating your friendships. I suggest getting connected with a church that has young adults meetings or plan a bible study with some other Christian girls around town. -You CAN sit with us- (Yes, this was a mean girl's reference.) 😊
"He who finds a wife finds what is good and receives favor from the Lord." Proverbs 18:22 Pray less about "finding" the right one and more about "becoming" the right one.
Stop obsessing over finding the right man and find beauty in becoming the wife God has called you to be in His time. Stop casually dating different guys and learn to find beauty it getting to know Jesus and becoming the woman your future husband is going to need. This is something I am totally guilty of. I would always ask God "when are you finally going to send me the right one." One day, it dawned on me that I was asking God to send the right person but had never asked Him to shape me into a wife, mom, and leader. I need to become the one before I can find the one. Something that really helped me with this was journaling. I made a list of all the qualities that I possess that would make me a great wife. I also made a list of all the places I need God to intervene. He moves at the sound of YOUR VOICE. He promises to fulfill the desires of your heart in His perfect timing.
Build confidence. My confidence is something that my friends often point out about me. My favorite line is "I know I have the spirit of a wife. I don't have time to sit around and be a girlfriend and entertain guys that aren't going to be my husband." Because it's so true, honey. But what most people don't know about me is all the times I have cried to my mom about not feeling worthy of love. That all my friends are getting married and having children at this age, and I feel like I am falling short. That there was a time in my life when I was not connected to God, and I would sit in my room and cry about why guys were always unintentional with me. Now, if a guy rejects me it's a totally different ballgame. Your loss. Because I know now that I am a prize. "She is more precious than rubies." Proverbs 3:15 You are expensive. Those guys of the past that didn't choose you, they just couldn't afford you. What I am trying to say is there is a confidence that can ONLY be found in Christ. Your worth will never be found in other people. I'm going to say that again: YOUR WORTH WILL NEVER BE FOUND IN OTHER PEOPLE. How hurtful it must be for Jesus when we sit there and question our worth because a guy doesn't like us back when He literally gave it ALL for us. I have spent many nights repenting and asking for forgiveness for this. He looks at you, and all He sees is preciousness and delight. Someone that He made is His perfect image. Rest in that the next time you feel rejection.
I pray that you use your time of singleness as a time for growth.
As a time to cling to Jesus and really build a friendship with Him that is personal and unbreakable. What better friend to have than the one who literally is writing your story chapter by chapter? He knows our struggles and our hearts desires. But the best part is that He literally gave us a whole book of guidelines to prepare us, so that when He does send that person to us, we are able to receive them correctly. He has you in the palm of His hand, and He knows what and who and when and where and all the things that you're constantly questioning that will eventually all line up and make complete and perfect sense. What is sent to you by God will come with complete confirmation and not confusion. You will not have to question what is truly sent by Him. So wait it out. Remember that doing single right is so important, because you are setting the foundation to do marriage right. He is making all things come together for YOUR good, and by remaining loyal to Him, you will be rewarded in the process.
