I spent over a year in love with someone who decided one day, I was not what they wanted. The day this part of my life ended, I felt so worthless. I wondered why I wasn't good enough, what I did wrong, would I ever be good enough for anyone? I questioned my self-worth and I hated every part of myself. I felt lost, heartbroken, and alone.

I saw it coming but the ending still left me broken. I knew the relationship was becoming toxic for me and the feelings were beginning to fade. I knew that the relationship was no longer about wanting to be with that person, it was more about wanting to hold onto the comfort and safeness I found with him.

I let those surrounding me believe I was okay. I let everyone think that losing him didn't really hurt me. I didn't want anyone to know I wasn't okay. I didn't want everyone to know that I lost the person I was head over heels in love with. Because after all, I'm only eighteen, do I even know what love is?

I went home for winter break and avoided all the places I thought I might run into him. I surrounded myself with family and friends, trying to keep my mind occupied. Then one day, I found out he had already found someone else.

The news made me feel even more worthless than I already did. Hardly a month had passed, and he already replaced me with someone else. I wondered was she prettier, did she make him happier, was she the reason he left me? My self-confidence was shot, and my heart was in my stomach.

My mom asked me daily if I was okay. I always responded with the same irritated yes. I knew my mom didn't believe me, but I didn't want her to know that her bubbly little girl felt like nothing.

I was mad at myself. I let a boy have so much hold over me that losing him, caused me to lose myself.

I never let my friends at school know that I was feeling this way. I let the people I surrounded myself with there think that I was the same old happy Amanda that I'd been before losing him. I knew I could trust them and that they would be there for me but, I didn't want them to know I let a boy make me feel this way.

After returning to school, I called an old friend. I sat on the phone for two hours, spilling my guts while bawling my eyes out. Telling someone how I felt was a weight lifted off my shoulders, I felt like I could breathe.

The next morning, I woke up and decided, that was it. I was no longer going to let a boy make me feel the way I did. I was going to start loving myself again.

Now I'm sitting here today, writing this, and I feel so much better. I feel like a different person. I am finally happier. I genuinely felt better than the day before and every day got better.

Without you, I have learned that I need to love myself again. I have learned that I never want to feel that way again. I learned that I am not worthless, and I deserve someone who believes the same.

Without you, I can finally make myself a priority again, I can focus on making me happy and doing the things I love.

I learned to love myself for who I am. I fell in love with my life again. I know I am not perfect, but I have learned to accept my imperfections. I feel at peace with life.

I now find it easy to stay positive, it feels effortless to be happy. I have surrounded myself with amazing friends who make me feel loved and accepted. I am finally the person I want to be.

So, thank you. Thank you for breaking my heart and making me feel that way. Thank you for all the lessons during and after our time with each other. I will forever be grateful for all the memories we have but I am finally letting you go. I don't blame you for the way I felt afterwards, I thank you. Without you, I fell in love with me.