I love weddings.
I've been to plenty of weddings in the past. And the one thing that gets on my nerves is when I see guests who clearly were invited as a "show off." Of course I don't get mad at the guests. I get mad at the bridegroom. I'm not saying that you can't have a million important people at your wedding, because you very well can. I'm saying that when I see a wedding guest who doesn't interact with the bridegroom or other guests, she clearly came just to show off her Versace dress and Jimmy Choo Heels. Or worse, she was planning to outshine the bride and run away with the groom!
So ladies (and men), to prevent one of those thing from happening on your big day, here are a couple friendly tips to keep in mind while creating the guest list.
1. The Multiplier Effect
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If you invite your neighbor, don't expect him to come solo. People have families and it is rude to tell someone not to bring significant others in order to "conserve space." This also means you might have to cut down on who you choose to invite. A couple friends can easily exceed 100 guests if you add up other people they potentially want to bring.
2. Know Who Your Close Friends Are
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Just because that girl invited you to her Sweet Sixteen doesn't mean she automatically gets a wedding invite. Choose your friends wisely. If these are people who you will keep in touch with after the wedding and on any given day can have dinner and watch a movie with you, they are a keeper.
3. Consider Other Events
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Most likely you'll have other significant wedding events such as a bachelor/bachelorette party, engagement, after wedding reception, or a post-marriage housewarming party (even more events if it's a desi wedding). That's a lot of events on different dates and odds are that not everyone will be able to attend every event. So the same people don't have to be invited to the same event. Follow the Expanding 1-2-3 Rule. The engagement should be exclusive to family and a select few close friends. The wedding can be more open to guests bringing guests and other friends. As far as any after marriage events, I say the the sky is the limit! Invite everyone on the block, Kim Kardashian, your ex-boss's dog, the cast of "Glee," etc.
4. It's Not Just Your Day
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Yes, your Sweet Sixteen was all about you. But your wedding is not. Now you have a man in your life. If you can barely make room for people you want to invite, think about who he's left with on his list. Wedding planning is a team effort.
5. It's Mom's day too!
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Sure you found a husband, you saved your money, you picked the venue, the decorations, the food, the dress, the favors, and everything else. But remember that a child's wedding is one of the most important days for a parent. So if mom is persistent on inviting the old lady who always pinches your cheeks when she sees you, let her do it.
6. Destination Wedding?
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I've watched way too many cinematic wedding trailers on YouTube to know that a destination wedding is an ideal dream fantasy wedding. But it may not be ideal for your guests. I would love to have a wedding in Dubai. But think about the stress that can put on your guests considering that they have to pay for other expenses if you aren't. Of course if you want to have a very close-knit wedding with only family and one or two friends without having other family members and friends upset, a destination wedding is the perfect excuse.
7. Keep a Primary and Secondary List
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This can only happen if you start planning things early. If you can't decide who should make the list, make two of them. On your primary list, make sure the guests get their invites very early and set a strict RSVP date. That way if people choose not to attend, you can add people from your secondary list without it being too late to send the invite.
8. Family Matters
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If you are a desi like myself, unfortunately you can't get away from this. Both the bride and the groom are expected to invite not only their immediate family, but every single distant family member (especially the ones you hate or never met) who can possibly attend (this is the only reason why desi weddings are huge). If you have more leeway with who is invited, know that not every single person who is related to you has to attend. Granted that all of your distant aunts, uncles, and cousins have families of their own, if you choose to invite one, they don't all need to tag along.
9. Not All Friends are Special
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The only time you should ever say this is when it comes to your wedding. If you think deciding who makes it as a guest is hard work, just wait until you are deciding who gets to be a bridesmaid (or a groomsman). Every girl who's around your age and attends your wedding is probably special to you. But that doesn't mean they all get to be bridesmaids. Not all friends can be bridesmaids. Not all family can be bridesmaids. Get a grip on who really deserves to by your side. Most importantly, explain to your girlfriends what your thought process was when selecting bridesmaids in order to avoid pre-wedding tears and drama.
10. Coworkers
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Don't forget about them! People who you work with or work for make great additions to your wedding as well as other professional adults you know. Consider inviting a former schoolteacher, professor, or coach. These are all people who have helped you accomplish something significant in your life, and they deserve to watch you walk down the aisle.
And lastly, make some room. As said before, there is nothing wrong with inviting 1,000,000,000,000,000,000,000+ guests to your wedding as long they all have some sort of significance in your life. If you absolutely must invite that many people, make sure your wedding preparations reflect that. Make sure your venue has plenty of space and food. Shortages during a wedding are a big no-no.
Remember this is your big day. There are probably a dozen things you have to worry about before you tie the knot, and the guest list shouldn't be one of them.
