When I first began seriously considering what I wanted to major in when I went to college, being a music major was nowhere near the top of my list. I went from creative writing to journalism to social work. I thought about a couple different minors, music theater being one of them. But when I found ISU, musical theater wasn't offered as a minor at that point in time. I had accepted that music was just going to be my side hobby. I had decided on social work, until around the middle of my senior year.
My aunt briefly mentioned music therapy to me. She suggested that I look into it. I kept doubting pushing music to the side as I got closer to going to college, and I always had the thought of what I could do to keep it in my life in the back of my head. All of a sudden, music therapy was everywhere I was. It only took my aunt mentioning it for it to blow up around me. The more I learned about it, the more I pictured myself in the major.
Yet, I was still extremely cautious about it. I had many friends that were a year older than me, many of them being music majors. They all told me not to become a music major, unless if I absolutely knew for a fact it was something I wanted to do, which at that time, it wasn't. They told me how it was harder than you could imagine, how, at times, it made it really hard to love music. They told me about the extra dedication it took to be a music major, and the perseverance it would take to continue as a music major.
Music, in a way, is competitive. I almost didn't do it because I have seen how participating in ensembles and musical activities have brought out the worst in me. I was never the best in high school, and I was never really told to be a music major because I was just "that good and couldn't not go into music because it would be a waste." I knew so many people that were told that all the time, though. They were told, "You have to be going into music," all the time. I wanted to be one of those people so bad.
The thing about music is you meet people that inspire you to be better, to work harder, because you want to be like them if you can. But you're jealous of them. You're not angry at them; you're just frustrated with yourself that you're not as good as them. It's a competitive field, in the job world, sure, but mostly because you will always be internally comparing yourself to someone else.
But instead of competing to be better than someone else, I have the opportunity to be the best musician I can be for myself. By studying music therapy, I will be giving my talent to someone else to improve themselves, instead of trying to showcase myself all the time to be better than someone else. I'm so excited to do it, so I've decided I need to focus on being the best I can be, which I apply to almost anything in life. Be the best version of yourself, and don't worry about other people so much. Someone is always going to better than you. But no one or their talents is going to be just like you.
I still struggle, and I still have to tell myself at times that I do not need to be on top, and that I am not in comparison to anyone but myself right now. It's an internal struggle that I am learning to face, and that's why I think music majors are some of the strongest people I know.
I love being a music major. And even though sometimes it feels like so much more of a chore, and not so much of a fun hobby, I can still remind myself that I'm studying music for a reason. There have been a couple of bumps in the road. I struggle with theory. I struggle with thinking I'm good enough. I struggle with practicing to where I feel like it's enough. But, I wouldn't trade it for the world. I thank my friends for preparing me, and helping me to realize I want to be a music major, even if it is hard.
