The last couple weeks, I feel like I’ve been to hell and back. I recently got an engagement broken off, I have nothing bad to say about him because I know that won’t change anything. We had a good run, and loved each other, but it wasn’t working out, and that was that.
The amount of friends and family that came running to my side, was unbelievable. I honestly couldn’t have had any better support system. And I know that I wouldn’t have been able to get through it without them.
I don’t know about you guys, but when a friend comes running to me after a breakup, I’ve never had the right words to make them feel better. It’s hard for me to comfort people when they are going through something, that honestly feels like their world is ending.
So from my experience in the last couple weeks, I can tell you the things that made me feel like my world wasn’t quite over, and I had a lot of life to make up for this. It wasn’t easy but they made it bearable, and that's what I needed.
SILENCE
You have no idea how much a silent gesture can go, sometimes I just wanted to vent and cry and be hugged. I didn’t want to hear someone try and come up with a last minute pep talk that didn’t do me any good, and I just wanted to be left alone. Just listen, let them know that you’re there, and if they need advice, that you're willing to give them some.
Actions mean more than words could ever.
DO NOT BASH THEIR EX
As much as I just wanted to sit there, cry and call him every bad name in the book. I hated hearing people call him a douchebag, asshole, and any other name. I spent a good chunk of my life with him, I loved him, and I don’t want people to talk bad about him, not right away anyways.
CHECKING IN
I’ve had multiple people text me at least once a day, to see how I was doing, or just see if I had any plans for the day. My cousin especially was a big help to me, she could tell when my day wasn’t as great as I wanted it to be, and would reassure me, even if she had told me the same thing the day before, I still needed to hear it, and it helped.
GENUINE ADVICE
When their ready and ask for advice, make sure you're prepared. They can still be fragile, so use gentle words. Every situation is different, so take that into consideration as well. The best advice I got was simple. You don’t have to do anything super complicated, because honestly their head is all crazy still, and they don’t think of simple things.
REMIND THEM OF THEIR FUTURE
I had a very hard time with my break up because I was not in my hometown when it happened and I was starting a new job. I didn’t have many friends that I could hang out with to make me feel better, and the first impression my new co-workers got was that I was a sad person. Which is definitely not me, but I was in a pretty tough situation. My older brother had told me “You don’t need that, you work too hard to be with someone that doesn’t respect that you actually want to go somewhere in life.” I thought about this for a long time. Because I never looked at myself to be particularly successful. I knew I worked hard, but I hadn’t thought I was successful yet. But I looked around, and I told myself. I am successful, and I can’t let this bump in the road slow me down. I will reach my dreams with or without him by my side. When I thought of it like this, it made me get out of bed, and tell myself every morning, there’s more in life for you, go get it. Words can go farther than you think.
COMPANY
When someone has recently gotten out of a relationship, being by themselves will kill them. They sit in their own thoughts, sleep, and forget to eat. It’s dangerous. Invite them to do things, or go over and play cards. It’s so simple, and it saves them a lot of hurt.
CARBS
Food is always a plus too, especially carbs.
It’s still hard, but having a good support system is everything. But now that I have been through it, I can relate to someone who is hurting in this way, and can at least attempt to be comforting. I needed to turn this sad event into something that I could help benefit others. I wouldn’t wish the last couple weeks on anyone, and I hope that I never have to use any of my own advice on my friends.
