A romantic breakup is something I have never been able to relate to as someone who has never been in a relationship. However, heartbreak is an inevitable and universal feeling that I've certainly experienced my fair share of. Something even more heartbreaking than a breakup with a romantic partner is a breakup with a friend.
A friend is someone you confide in, share experiences with, tell secrets to, and love. Adolescent friendships, in particular, are ones in which the two people grow up together and grow together. And that is why they are the most heartbreaking to lose.
On April 22, 2017, the night of my senior prom, I lost my best friend, and I wouldn't even come to know until the next morning.
Prom itself was one of the best times of my life. It was magical and everything I had wanted it to be. Just a few hours afterward, though, was when everything would turn sour.
The group I came to prom with wanted to go to a house party afterward, so I decided to ditch and go to Denny's at 11:00 p.m. with a few of my other friends. Afterward, we went back to our friend's house (I'll call him "M") to play board games and hang out with his dog (yes, lame, I know. I might have been the only person in my city to not get drunk on prom night).
We all settled on the floor of M's dining room, exhausted and with sore feet, around midnight. Loud conversation transitioned to low whispers and slurred speech as we all started falling asleep. One of my friends was one of the few people to not fall asleep. I'll call him "D."
D and I had been best friends since sixth grade and I knew him like the back of my hand.
D was not the irritable type. He was loud, outgoing, and friendly. So when he stopped talking I knew something was wrong.
Prior to his silence, I made a dumb joke. A very stupid, unfunny joke. But not a mean joke. D, however, found it deeply offensive. He ignored me from this point forward and I was very much aware of his iciness, which continued through the end of my night.
When it came time to head home, around 2:00 a.m., I said my goodbyes and my "I love you"'s and D pretended I didn't exist.
I didn't think much of D's behavior at the time. I was tired so I decided to leave it and handle things with him in the morning. The minute I woke up, I texted D an elaborate and genuine apology, as I had never wanted to hurt his feelings. The text wouldn't go through.
The first thought to pop into my head was that he had blocked me.
I scrambled to message him on Twitter, Instagram, and Facebook and his profiles wouldn't even show up. He had blocked me everywhere he possibly could.
I was frustrated and confused, but persistent. I sobbed while typing out and emailing an extensive, detailed apology to him. I can honestly say I have never cried harder or longer in my almost 20 years of life.
I waited all day for some kind of response but received nothing. I sent another email. Nothing.
We have not directly spoken since and I never received a response. It's been an entire year.
He was one of my best friends and he ended our friendship without letting me have any say. He cut me out of his life with no explanation. He ghosted me and expected me to just move on with my life.
It goes without saying that I was immensely heartbroken. I was depressed for weeks. I've never been through a breakup but I'm assuming that's what it must feel like.
The worst part was having to tell everyone the story and having to keep hearing about him. People wanted to make it better, they wanted us to make up, but their efforts frustrated me even more. They didn't understand that we were simply no longer friends. We weren't in a fight – our friendship was just over.
During the following weeks, D posted about me constantly. He called me a toxic person and said he was so much better-off without me. I had to hear about all of it from friends, though I'm sure they didn't realize all they were doing was putting salt in my wound.
Now, I still hear about him from my friends. He asks about me and pretends he doesn't care about my life, but it's obvious to them that he does. At this point, I've forgotten he even exists unless he is brought up.
A year later, I have some amazing friends who care about me and enrich my life. I've realized over the past 12 months that D was never a good friend in the first place. He constantly put me down and made hurtful jokes at my expense. It never seemed like he cared about me or what I was going through.
His ghosting of me on prom night, though, is perhaps the most telling of his character. He cared so little about our friendship that he was willing to throw it away, and hurt me in the process, over a silly joke I made. I've realized that he wanted to hurt me.
I never received any closure, but I'm coming to terms with that. I'm a stronger and more confident person than I was a year ago, all thanks to myself.
