Everybody has these dreams that their freshman year of college is going to be rainbows and unicorns all of the time.

You think that you are going to do all of these amazing things, make all of the best friends in the world, and be able to do everything you see in those movies. Sure some of those things are true, but what they never show you will eat you alive for the rest of your life.

My freshman year, I was determined to do everything on my own. I lived in a dorm where I paid $625 month for a bedroom, I joined a sorority, lived with my best friend, took a full load both semesters, worked a full-time job, was determined to have a social life, and wanted a boyfriend more than anything in the world. I remember the moment my world came crashing down that year and I have kept it all in, until now. I've actually kept a lot in from that year from a lot of people.

Mistake One: I bit off more than I could chew that year.

It was my first year on my own and I was determined to prove to everybody that I could do it. I worked 40+ hours a week, was taking 15 hours a semester- not including studying- had to maintain a social appearance because of being in my sorority, and always seemed to make time to hang out with friends even though I was barely getting enough sleep every night. I thought if I could do all of these things I could prove to everybody that I was an adult and boy was I wrong.

Lesson One: an adult knows when to ask for help.

Mistake Two: I let mistake one push me over the edge. I made friends who I shouldn't have.

I let them control my life. When they partied, I partied. When they drank, I drank. I thought these people who were older than me had it all together and that if they could do it then so could I and boy was I wrong. There isn't much I remember about the days and nights that we spent together because most of them I spent drunker than the man passed out on the bar stool or higher than the kite flying at the beach. I let that ruin me. I let it become who I was. I convinced myself it who I was and that I was nothing better than that, and I have believed it and lived in those thoughts for the past three years now.

Lesson Two: real friends won't take you down the rabbit hole, they will pull you up from it.

Mistake Three: I let boys define me.

In that haze of the parties, drugs, and "friends" I was convinced that if I could get a boy to like me and be with me that I would actually be able to get through the days. Problem with looking for a guy when you don't even know who you are, you end up with a lot of Mr. Wrongs. Don't get me wrong. There were some moments when I thought I had found a guy that might actually like me, the one who I let get close enough showed me how wrong I was. That night has haunted me since. No matter how I rearranged the room, no matter how many times I washed the sheets, no matter how many times I blacked out, the same nightmare returned.

Lesson Three: you define you, not some boy.

Mistake Four: parties and friends always took precedent to my studies.

I let the "fun times" take control of my life. I let the "fun people" take control of my life. I thought it was what all college students did and if I couldn't take part in all things college then I wasn't doing things right. I tanked my GPA, I lost friends, I got in trouble with my sorority, and most of all, I lost who I was and the sad thing is, I don't know if I have found her again, I don't know if I ever will.

Lesson Four: the only person you need to prove things too, is yourself, nobody else.

This isn't to make you feel bad for me, it's to prove to the world and the people who I let ruin me that those four things, they don't have the hold on me that they used to. I thought my life from my freshman year, all of my decisions, the good and the bad, follow me and make the decisions in my current life because I let it all become who I am. No more will I let that happen. My life is mine, not my past, and the same goes for you. Those things that you did, the wrongs, you can make them right, the people you left behind, you can apologize to. You can take back your life. You can make your decisions again. Don't let the past define your future,