I know that I am not the first person to say that the Christmas season is one of my favorite times of the year, but that I don’t enjoy what comes after. I thoroughly enjoy the festivities that end up lasting the entire month of December. When it is all said and done, however, my attitude heads south for the remainder of the winter. Honestly, I get pretty annoyed over New Years. Basically, most people have already known what they want/need to give up in their lives for a few months and have effectively put it off until the last second (of the year to be exact). With all of the resolving that takes place around New Years, I would like to be a voice of realistic satire. Here are the four reasons I hate New Years resolutions:
1. This is a problem that you most likely knew you had but ignored:
It doesn’t take a study to show that most people don’t actually want to change what they resolve to change on New Years. A New Year’s resolution isn’t something most people do for fun. Most of the time, you knew that you had something you needed to change, but you put it off. The other small portion of the time, the New Years resolution was a result of a dare or a bet. The end result of these kinds of resolutions is usually the same, in that it lasts a week. If you knew that you had the problem, one day of the year isn’t going to change it.
2. Many churches take New Years too far:
This is actually so expected that there should be a ceremony for it. I can’t think of one year when I haven’t heard a pastor say something to this effect: (It usually contains a Christian cliché of sorts) “I want all of you to take a bad habit and lay it at the altar this year.” I haven’t yet had the courage to try to point out that this is something that should be done year round. Often you end up with a resolution that you pulled out of a basket in Sunday school and now feel pressured to keep. Do yourself a favor and make a Fourth of July resolution next year.
3. Gym Profits and Membership numbers Triple:
If I were a smart businessman, I would rent a facility and professional weight equipment about a month before New Years and slap the word "gym" on it. I would probably only get the overflow from the Planet Fitness, but I would end up with a decent amount of customers. I would most likely make enough to close a few weeks later and have more than I started with.
4. All small talk for the next month must be devoted to your resolution:
Everyone knows those people who feel that they must tell everyone else about their resolution. I almost feel pressured to ask what they resolved to drop for New Years, despite the fact that I really don’t want to. It becomes more awkward when you try to tell people that you didn’t resolve to change anything about yourself in the name of New Years. Maybe a better resolution this year would be to think up small talk topics that you can use to dodge resolution small talk.
I personally think that New Years is an enjoyable time of year. My advice to those who don’t enjoy this time is to forget about a resolution and enjoy the festivities. If you really want to change something about yourself, don’t wait until New Years when you will feel pressured.
