Have things in your life ever felt so overwhelming that it feels like you can't complete the simple, brainless tasks you do every day?
When you are so stressed that you become almost scared to make any move in any direction - strictly from fear that the possibility of another problem added to your plate is real, and could happen. And no matter how small that new issue may be and how quickly you could fix it, it will still carry the weight of the world and completely shatter your headspace for days.
When you wake up on a Sunday at 6:10 AM and your body hits the hardwood floor because you think you're late for work, but it's Sunday and you don't work Sundays. But now your Sunday is completely taken over and thrown off because your anxiety will not simmer regardless of your countless efforts to lessen it.
Does this sound familiar? If it doesn't, good for you. If it does, you are not alone. But, I'm here to tell you an answer to something I assume you're sitting on.
You are not out of options.
I know things can be pretty dark sometimes. I also know that at times, it's completely out of your control. Some things just happen without asking for permission. And we're expected to handle them. High expectations are the scariest thing a person could ever have about you. Especially, when you have them of yourself, too...
I am notorious for being "fine" all the time. I've had trauma at ages that make a stranger break into tears in the middle of Target, but I was always ok when I had to be. Lately, things haven't been ok. That's nothing different, but what's new is that I'm admitting that things are a lot right now, and I'm struggling.
This does not mean I don't have good days.
This does not mean I don't still have a positive attitude about any situation I'm in. This doesn't mean I'm crying myself to sleep every night. It's none of that. Things aren't dreadful, but I need a break and I'm not able to take one right now. I'm trying to stay afloat but both of my legs are asleep underwater. I'm still meeting my basic responsibilities, but my body is aching from mental exhaustion while doing it.
So when you feel like this, and you feel like you're out of options - I finally discovered one that we looked past.
You always have the option to forgive yourself.
Self-forgiveness is a trait that took me so long to develop. So much practice, so many tears, so many mental dead ends. Now, I think it's my favorite thing about myself. Make it yours, too.
It's really as simple as it seems. Forgive yourself for having to deal with what you're dealing with. Forgive yourself for putting yourself in a situation that now has you feeling a certain way. To forgive another person who has done you wrong takes more strength than any type of muscle. Who knew forgiving yourself could be just as challenging? Forgiveness is the first step to fixing, and then moving on.
Start with acknowledging what you did that got you here.
Or acknowledge what that person did that has made you feel this way.
Acknowledge whatever it is that is running your life right now because you know it isn't you anymore, and that's a terrifying loss of control.
Acknowledge the hard truth that this is the life you were handed. These were the events that happened. These were the actions that were done to you and that you did some bad ones yourself as well.
For a gal that was once notorious for being the "strong" friend, I've now become known for taking a minute to yourself, and sunsets. Asking yourself to hangout and putting aside the time to do so, like you do your inner circle. What they don't know is it is during those solo-sunset-showings that I acknowledge what's happening in my life, what my mind is thinking of it, and what my heart is feeling about it. So, yes, of course, I'm addicted to sunsets. That's when I press reset. I take the time to do so because if I don't, I know I'm not strong enough for any weight tomorrow might add. Even the slightest ounce.
Allow your feelings time to feel and emotions time to exist. I promise you, it will all feel a bit lighter.
Be honest with yourself and how you're feeling. You can be suspicious of what you want but that better not stop you from still going after it. Joy is what happens to us when we allow ourselves to recognize how good things really are. Forgiving yourself is the first step.