I am a workaholic, OCD, busybody, personality. I prefer to work at the bar every weekend rather than go out to the bar every weekend. I feel a purpose when I am working. I've always had that compulsion.
When I graduated high school I couldn't wait to start over in a new state, where no one knew who I was. A feeling of having a fresh start was freeing.
I could reinvent myself.
And that's exactly what I did, I was a D1 athlete and worked day in and day out for 8 months for a sport and a team that I loved.
When that dream came to end, I decided to move on completely. I moved back to my home state, to finish out my college years at a state school.
It was another chance at a fresh start.
It was liberating.
I knew that some of my high school peers were attending the same state school as me but I didn't want to go back to high school, I wanted to meet new people. People who didn't know me or who I used to be.
This fresh start began with a new name.
My entire high school career I went by my birth name, Gillian. Which don't get me wrong is a beautiful name and I will probably go back to it at some point. But it feels so formal for my personality. I didn't feel like myself when people called me that.
I started introducing myself as Gil.
The short, one syllable name felt casual and simple.
Exactly what I wanted my new life to be.
Some may say that the reason they want to keep starting over is because of some traumatic experience or because you just aren't happy where you were.
Not for me.
For me the love of starting over and getting new beginnings means that new doors are opening. You are getting to fulfill new dreams.
I dreamed of being a D1 athlete since I was 8, I completed that.
Then I dreamed of graduating college with a degree I truly love. I'm 2 semesters away from completing that.
My next dream, is to have a job in a new city and meet new people in my workplace or at the gym.
I find comfort in the fact of if you aren't happy with who you are or where you are, you can change it.
Change is a good thing.
