To the guy that wasn’t ready for a relationship,
I will never forget the time I met you. I had thousands of little butterflies. They ended up being pointless because almost instantly I felt comfortable around you. It took some guts to meet me, and I definitely respected that in my analysis of you later on. Meeting you was like seeing an old friend. Someone I genuinely felt comfortable being around. We talked basically all night sitting on my cold campus. And it was almost like the rest of my surroundings froze. Maybe it’s because listening to you speak was more important to me than anything else. Either way, you seemed interesting enough to converse with. Flirting and chemistry aren’t exactly my forte but nevertheless, I try my very best. I think in a lot of ways I always have the right advice for everyone else but myself.
Even after I met you for our first date chemistry was no challenge between us. Then you stopped contacting me. And I realized just how much a simple text meant to me when I saw it was coming from you. To me talking to you brought a simple, stupid and silly smile to my face. I know I didn’t know you that long, but time didn’t ever change the joy I felt whether I was around you or just talking to you. That’s the thing, you don’t realize you have fallen head over heels until it’s happening, and that’s the way I have felt since I met you. I never planned any of this happening. In fact, I was happy just taking it one day at a time. Then I decided for myself I better see what your take on everything was so far. Your claim was that you just “didn’t want a relationship right now.” When I asked what I did wrong as often people do, you claimed, “you liked me, and that I was cute, pretty, everything you could have asked for.” As sweet as that sounded to me, I was more confused than ever before. I was left to think that it was nothing I did, and there was nothing else I could do. So I formed what I thought was the best option. I decided on a friendship. Maybe I was the foolish one to do that, but I thought keeping you around was a lot better than not.
Then I thought maybe I could just cut him off from talking to me altogether but I couldn’t do that to myself. I thought it better to give your space and not get wrapped up in your situation. Recently I came across a line that sums up almost everything I want to say to you. Here are the words I couldn’t say before thanks to an individual on the internet...
“It seems like you need to go away and figure out what you want and be on your own for a while. And I want your happiness more than anything in the world. So I feel like you need to be alone in order to figure out what you want. And I hope that I am still here when you are ready. But until then I need someone that is completely in because I wouldn’t want to be with someone that isn’t 100 percent sure about wanting to be with me.” -Matthew Hussey
So some might say I gave up on us and I didn’t pursue you enough. And I would tell those people that for a long time I considered trying to pursue you. And then I realized that if you come around, you will come around. And all I can really do is let you know that I will always be here. Not saying this isn’t hard, but I am able to pick myself up again by realizing I am doing the best I can, and that’s all we can do as humans. Do you want everything a relationship has without the label? I just don’t know, and maybe you don’t know either. So why not let you be free allowing you to figure yourself/it all out? If you care about someone, you let them be free right? So maybe I care enough to let you do what you want even though it might not work out in my favor. I think I am learning the whole selfless adult thing.
With much respect,
Your fellow friend forever