I'm an over-thinker and a worrier. I get anxious when I'm late and I obsess over minute details that don't even matter in the long run. I've always been this way. My mom bought me my first planner when I was six because I would always ask her "what are we doing today?" and then “what are we doing after that?” and so on. Long story short, I like schedules. I like planning my life and therefore when something doesn’t go as I expect it to, I freak out.
But I have learned that life is messy and unpredictable. It seems like such a simple lesson to learn, but it is one I know I will never master.
I overthink everything. Every message I receive, every vague comment thrown in my direction and every compliment comes at a price for me. It takes me hours, sometimes days, to let something go. I will overanalyze everything. “What did she mean by that?” “Why hasn’t he texted me back?” It is a frustrating thing to constantly overthink everything.
But I am working on changing this. I am trying to let go of things I can't control. I am learning to follow my instincts...and my heart (when applicable, of course). We could all stand to let go of things a little more. We could all work on relaxing and just going with whatever life may throw our way.
NOT having a plan is refreshing. NOT obsessing over that text message I may never get is a relief. NOT scheduling every moment of my day is amazing. I want this to be a norm in my life. When I consciously make the decision to relax, I always feel happier. I feel less worried.
I'm not saying I won’t make detailed plans anymore because let's be honest, if I didn't schedule time for homework I probably wouldn't do it. But I am saying I will attempt to be a less worried and a little happier version of myself. I won’t let last minute setbacks throw me for a loop.
I'm still learning how to stop over-analyzing every conversation, but I have learned that I can't control anyone's thoughts and feelings but my own. I can't make anyone agree with me or make anyone respond a certain way to me. But I can be honest. I can do everything in my power to let the people I care about know I care about them. I can cut down on the biting sarcasm (it will be hard, but I think I can do it).
I will always have to fight against my instinct to plan and overthink. I want so badly to be one of those carefree people who just goes with the flow. But worrying is one of my downfalls and I will always work to let things go.
If you’ve read this and thought, “That is so me” then join me in trying to be a little calmer and relaxed. Don’t worry about what you can't control and take care of yourself. Be present and listen if you expect other people to be present and listen to you.
