I was married to the love of my life when I was 20 years old. I thumbed my nose at higher education, dove headlong into being a wife, and within the first two years I was a mother. I would not change my life, now, for anything in the world but I wish I could tell my younger self to slow down and take the time to figure out who she was before she got settled down. It sounds a little cliché to say “you need to find yourself,” but it’s true. I became Cindy the wife, and Cindy the Mom, before I really knew who Cindy the person was.
I just passed my 40th birthday and I find myself a mom of teenagers, and a widow. I have returned to college to figure out who I am. I will be a hands-on Mom for just a few more years, I will soon join the group of moms bugging their daughters about grandchildren. (I have a board on Pinterest with wedding ideas, already. I think it is a genetic defect that occurs when a woman has a girl).
I am a 40-something single woman who dated one man who was my first everything. I never went to a college party, or joined a sorority (if I could find one for old ladies I would do it now). I never had a beer, never studied a term abroad and the list of “nevers” goes on. I am not trying to promote deviant behaviors, but all those things help you figure out who you are.
Don’t listen to all those people who say it's bad to fly solo. This is one of the best, most exciting seasons of your life -- a season that will not come again. Take the time to stop and enjoy every minute. Join the clubs, volunteer with that charity that you like. Go, do, and be.
College is about learning how to be whatever you want to be for a career. It is also a time to figure you out who you are. Enjoy every minute, and don’t fret about being solo. Surround yourselves with friends who are on the same road you are on. You have the rest of your life to do all those other things.
I had the pleasure of working with a young man last term who is in a fraternity, and just about everything else he could possibly be involved in, and it made me smile to watch. He is spreading his wings, and by the time he is done with UNF he will have a pretty good idea of who he is as a person before he becomes a career man, husband, and dad; and he will be better at those because of it.
Give your parents and friends in relationships a break. They just want you to be happy. High school was tough because you wanted to be grown up, but you weren’t. People say it is the best time of your life, but they lie.
This period between high school and the rest of your life is the most amazing time. Enjoy every minute of this time. You may return to school, but you will never be this age again. Seize every opportunity, and go down every path that is offered to you. Pledge to a group and study abroad. Do it all, and when the time comes, Mr. or Miss Right will find you, and being a duo will be the next great adventure.
