A flower sways and blooms – Do, Jong-hwan.
Where would a flower be that blooms without swaying?
All these beautiful flowers in the whole world have bloomed after swaying
As their stems have endured the swaying and stood upright,
Where would unwavering love be?
Where would a flower be that blooms without the wind and rain?
All these colorful flowers in the whole world have bloomed after the wind and rain
In the wind and in the rain,
They have bloomed warm-heartedly
Where would a life be without the wind and rain
I believe that everyone goes through low points in their life, even the ones who look like they have their life together. Ever since I got to college, I have always felt that I was not doing things right, that I messed up everything, that I was not trying enough, and whatever I did, that I was not good enough.
My family always looks at me as this kid who is so brave and independent that she pioneers every path in her life. I decided to drop out of middle school at 8th grade because I believed that I needed some change in my life. I convinced my parents that I would show them what I am capable of. After dropping out, I passed the national examination to get the middle school graduate certificate, and then I studied English 10 hours every single day for the next year. I decided to go to Cape Town, South Africa to go to high school and continue my education. I did everything myself without my parents helping me through all this process (of course, they paid for everything). When I was a senior in high school, I decided that I wanted new change so I decided to go to university in America 6 months before the deadline. I had to study for SAT, finals, and the national finals exams in South Africa, all at once. Yet, I did it. I applied to all these college in America all by myself, going to the banks and getting the bank statements. There was no reason for my parents to not be proud of me. They always bragged to their friends about me. I was confident in myself. I thought I was so cool (sorry for being a brat). But then, it all hit at once. College was different. I wasn’t the me that I used to know. I needed a break because I always pushed myself to be successful. I did not have the confidence that I used to have, and I hit the lowest self-esteem. I was so disappointed in myself. The more I tried to spare myself from the adversity, the deeper I fell into it.
And then, I came across this Korean poem. I always knew about the poem but I never fully appreciated the message it was conveying. It hit me deep in the feels. Reading this poem helped me realize that it was okay to be at low points in my life. It was okay for me to feel depressed. It was okay for me to mess things up. It was okay for me to feel like a loser. Everything was okay because I was just going through the swaying, and the wind and rain. All these tiny little flowers, that we see every day and don’t really think about twice, all go through hardships to bloom. As such, sometimes, we feel lost in our lives. Our lives carry agony and sorrow. But we don’t need to try so hard to run away from them. I realized that I needed to embrace all that pain to mature and complete my life as an individual. So, if any of you reading this is feeling lost and feels like everything is messed up, don’t worry because we all go through this. This is just a phase that leads us to blooming into a beautiful flower.
