Flirting is part of adult life. Who doesn’t like to be at either end of this interaction, whether you’re the flirter or the person on the receiving end? Realising you are being flirted with can give a boost to the ego, whether it’s someone at the office, or the shop assistant who gives you a cheeky wink while handing over your magazine. So far, so harmless. But what if the flirting is showing signs of developing into something less instantaneous? And what if the person you are targeting is married, with all the potential for serious repercussions?

Natural flirting

A keypoint is perspective. Flirting itself is a perfectly healthy activity between human beings. Obviously there’s an element of physical attraction involved but it doesn’t always have to be conflated with sexual desire. Say you’re travelling on a train and the collector asking for your ticket is a striking redhead who causes your heart to skip. You might well feel obliged to indulge in some chit-chat beyond asking about possible timetable delays. This is innocuous fun; the fact you find her attractive might add a frisson of excitement to your conversation, but nothing more than that. The likelihood of either of you declaring you have succumbed to love at first sight would be remote to say the least.

Flirting with strangers is one thing. The picture gets more complicated when this happens closer to home; with friends in your social circle, people at work; especially with anyone already in a relationship.

Sparks at work

Working environments are where a lot of flirting can occur. After all you are surrounded by people who you interact with on a daily basis. You might sit bedside someone you would have been strongly attracted to in different circumstances; your professional relationship creates an invisible barrier that prevents your constant banter ever developing into anything more substantial. This can become an issue when your formal routine is displaced. There are two main activities that can impact those natural boundaries – the away day and the Christmas party.

The former is a reasonably common occurrence in all types of industry these days, as employees are bussed out to some suitable retreat for conferences, seminars and team-building exercises. Often these events stretch over a couple of days, so this will involve staying over in a hotel. A hotel that will also have a bar. Drinking a lot while getting to know colleagues outwith the context of work can be incendiary, especially when comfortable hotel rooms with ‘do not disturb’ signs are a short distance away.  

But what often prevents flirting from escalating is how close this scenario is to something much deeper. Ships passing in the night and taking advantage of twin rooms is an indication of entering into a full-blown affair. Most recognise flirting has limits and these don’t include destroying their own or the other person’s relationship/marriage. When it comes to the office party, there is often a greater danger of colleagues getting carried away in the heat of the moment, with the combination of festive spirit, alcohol and mistletoe leading to flings, although these drunken encounters invariably lead to embarrassment more than anything else.

Flirting with married women

Given the right circumstances, it can be easy for some to succumb to temptation. Others will be constrained by morals, or the thought of the drastic consequences. This latter point becomes particularly acute when the object of your regular flirting is married, especially if they have children.

At what point do you cross the boundary and start cheating? As discussed, jumping into a hotel bed is an obvious symptom where the parameters have been ruptured. There are more subtle signs where flirting has become an issue. Do you or the other person feel the need to cover up? Do you lie to your partner or does she lie to her husband? Do you share intimate details or discuss fantasies; perhaps talking about subjects she’d never broach with her actual loved one?

It’s important to appreciate all these factors, and they are covered in greater depth if you visit this site. There is definitely a line between flirtatious behavior and outright dishonesty.