I'm a really funny person. Well, I think I'm a really funny person. So it just makes sense that I would rely on said sense of humor when trying to relate to people, especially ~~romantically~~. The problem here is that sometimes usually when I get nervous my jokes don't make sense, or I just completely miss the mark. Not a great combination, but it has lead to some pretty cringeworthy/funny stories. Seeing as though Valentine's Day is just around the corner, I thought I'd have a look back on some of the highlights.
"Listen to all the junk food I ate today."
I honestly still don't understand how this one didn't have boys lining up around the corner. What is there not to love about a girl opening a conversation by telling you she ate two bags of Doritos, two Reese's, a grilled cheese, and another bag of Doritos?
"I'm literally so good at intramural soccer."
I'm not good at intramural soccer. I am famously bad at intramural soccer. To add insult to injury, nobody asked me about intramural soccer, I brought it up on my own.
"I'm kind of, like, a Mythbusters super fan.
CLASSIC example of making fun of myself going the complete wrong route. It was tenth grade and I was at a halloween party, dressed like an FBI agent. I had watched probably three episodes, ever. I was just trying to start a funny rapport. The individual to whom I professed my fandom to just stared at me, confused and clearly weirded out, and simply responded "Oh, that's...nice?" before walking away. It still haunts me.
"You're a *insert college team here* fan? That must suck for you."
What can I say? Love may know no college football teams, but I'm a Buckeye fan. Bullying someone about their team choice is just part of the flirting package. Some respond better than others.
"Wanna go get mozzarella sticks with me?"
I've said it before and I'll say it again: foodie calls are the new booty calls. The future is here and I'm living in it, maybe by myself... Also, mozz sticks are always a yes.
"I LOVE your shirt/sweater/jacket/etc."
I truly don't understand why I suddenly turn into Clinton Kelly circa What Not to Wear wannabe when I run out of topics of conversation, but I do. Do I want to flirt with you or be your personal shopper? Apparently I'm not entirely sure.
"I can rap all of 'Ice Ice Baby," followed by actually rapping all of 'Ice Ice Baby'
Another one I don't understand why I said (to several people) but, also, how is this not funny?
