I was on Instagram the other day when I noticed something about my online bio. I realized I'm a hypocrite who's been contributing to a problem that I routinely complain about. That problem is Flex Culture which is the process of steering conversations, social interactions or any other form of communication into a space where you can show off, aka “flex" on the surrounding participants.

For instance my bio on my social media platforms all say that I’m a writer. That’s the first thing I tell you about myself, but why do I do that? Why not talk about my character or how selfless I am? What’s the point of me saying in my bio that I'm a writer? It's self aggrandizing, and pompous but I refuse to take it down because I genuinely feel the need to flex on the visitors of my page. It is a problem that's affected my daily interactions as well.

I’ve noticed myself promoting flex culture especially after reading a good book. For instance the book I finished most recently is entitled A Visible Man by Chuck Klostermann. The novel follows a psychiatrist who has a patient with an invisibility cloak who uses it to sneak into people’s homes and watch them go about their daily lives for scientific research. Upon finishing this book, I found myself unnecessarily guiding the conversation towards a place where I could bring this up. I’d talk about authors, psychiatrists, voyeurism and all the other themes the book touches on. Often times it would totally ruin the ebb and flow of the conversation. For instance:

"Hey Erick! You watch the game last night? Cowboys defense looked sol-"

"Naw man. You ever think about the scientific benefits of stalking?"

"Uh. I don’t know."

"Cause I was reading this book called A Visible Man…"

"You're a weirdo."

"Quiet father."

You see my point.

I noticed that flex culture has been completely ruining my ability to make genuine connections with my peers. Often times we won’t even have a give and take relationship. What’ll end up happening is we both passively aggressively try to force the topic of conversation onto the other. It feels like a mental game of football where field position is constantly being won and lost.

For instance here’s a conversation that I had with a friend where he wanted to talk about his love life and I wanted to talk about an article that I was currently writing.

Me: So yeah man. I’ve just been at the library all day. I was locked in for hours..

Friend: Nice dude. My day started off well, but then Jen texted me…

Me: Wow it’s funny you mention phones cause I didn’t even look at mine once in the library. I was so concentrated on my work.

Friend: It broke all my concentration when her name popped up on my screen bro. What has it been? 4 months now?

Me: It’s definitely been a quantifiable amount of time. So I’ve actually been writing about this thing but I don’t know if it has the potential to be any good…

Friend: Like who does she think she is? You know?

Me: You know what I’ll just read what I have so far to you. Let me what you think.

Friend: I’m heartbroken man. I haven't been able to eat. I barely got any sleep last night. I don’t know what to do.

Me: Anyway it's called 17 Unexpected Benefits Of Texting Exclusively In Haiku.

See. I find myself in these stupid conversations ALL THE TIME. I can’t truly connect with people anymore because my only goal during a conversation is to show the other person how cultured and intelligent I can be. It’s even worse when they have the same goal ugh.

The worst part of flex culture is the subtlety. I often don’t realize I’m doing it until the damage is already done. Part of me wonders whether it’s a symptom of an inferiority complex or something else, but I wish I didn’t have this terrible habit. From here on out I vow to stop perpetuating flex culture and will actually have real conversations with people where I'm completely engaged and focused on the other persons thoughts and feelings.

If you ever find yourself participating in this terrible epidemic, I strongly urge you to recognize the symptoms and stop the behavior immediately. A world without connection and only flexing, will be a tragic end to meaningful human interaction. It's time to stop treating everything like a sales pitch and be in the moment with your loved ones. Put the mirrors away and let's start living again!