Breaking up is never something anyone wants to do, especially when you've been in a long-term relationship. Believe me - I know where you are coming from, I just got out of a three and a half year relationship when I realized too late that I loved the friendship I had and that I wasn't loving the amazing guy I was dating in the way that he should of been loved. So, if you're feeling this way about your current relationship, short-term or long-term, here are a few tips for getting through the mess.
1. Remember that you are not a terrible person.
This is something that I really struggled with when I was trying to decide what was best. Since we had been dating so long, there were promises that I shouldn't have made and I felt like the worst person in the world that I couldn't keep them, but, in the end, I had to come to terms that it wasn't my fault. I had to be okay with the fact that even though things didn't work out the way I thought they would that I was hopefully saving him years of pain down the road.
2. Have your friends around.
Support is the biggest thing when you're going through the stages of trying to figure out if breaking up is the best solution or if you just need some time away. My roommates gave me wise insight into what they had observed in my relationship and how my body language and mood would change when something was up. I also did the typical girl thing and I called my mom. Yes, I am a freshman in college - but I still called my mom for boy advice, and it was the best decision I've ever made in life. Moms can give great insight into what is going on in your life and it helps when they've gone through the same issue themselves. Without the support system of my friends, I probably wouldn't have had the courage to end things the way that I did.
3. TRY to do it in person.
In person is probably the best way to breakup with someone simply because they can see that you're serious and you have the opportunity to walk away. I had to end things over the phone just because of the situation and I wish I hadn't. It was rough having to listen to the tears and the talk of "What about marriage?" when all I wanted to do was get off the phone so I could cry a little bit by myself.
4. Accept the fact that you may never be friends again.
The hardest part for me about this whole issue is that I truly lost one of the best people in my life, and as much as I would still love to be friends, it may never happen. Which is sad to think about, but at the same time you have to respect their space as a person. Heartbreak is hard to get through and honestly a mutual breakup may be the only way to remain friends. Eventually, I had to come to terms that I may never talk to that boy again.
5. Be okay with moving on, and don't feel ashamed about it.
The mourning period is different for every kind of relationship. Personally, I had a day or two where I was kinda sad a couple of times but then I was okay, because my relationship was a security blanket at that point and just a really awesome friendship. So maybe you need six months or two weeks to get over a breakup, but that is completely yours to decide, and don't let anyone tell you differently. I've been told many times that since I was in such a long term dating relationship that it would take me months to recover and that I should probably take a year off and not date anyone. If anyone ever tells you that, walk away from them because you don't need that kind of negativity in your life. I've moved on a little bit and been on some really great dates and honestly that was part of my healing process, and that process is different for everyone. So if you want to date right after a breakup, do it. If you want to get into a relationship right out of the gates (though I don't advise this), do it. Do whatever you think is best because it's your life.
In conclusion, breaking up really, really sucks. However, it can also be a good thing if you are feeling like you're trapped or realizing that you're not as happy as you should be. If you go through the process and take your time then you will be okay, some things just aren't meant to be forever, and I learned that the hard way.
