Senior year started off great. I had seen my friends for the first time since the beginning of summer, I was getting settled into my classes. Until I realized, this was the year. It was time to apply to college. I was scared to death. I had no idea what I was supposed to do when it was supposed to be done. Applications, scholarships, financial aid. These reasons being, I’m the first person in my family to go to college.
I come from a really small town in Vermont where not many people do anything with their lives after high school. This is something that I didn’t want for myself. Especially after seeing my mom struggle with being a single mom and raising three daughters on her own. I knew that going to college would be the best option for me. There’s always been so much pressure on me because my oldest sister never went, and I always said that that wouldn’t be me. The closer it got the more I realized that school isn’t for me. I’m not the smartest, and I’ve really struggled with what I would actually major in, but I couldn’t go back and I couldn’t let everyone down. So I’ve been pushing through for as long as I can remember.
It came time to start applying to schools. For some reason, I knew that I wanted to go to Castleton. I had never taken a tour, but a lot of people from around my area had gone there or were still going there. Seeing all the pictures and hearing the stories made me want to go. So I applied with other schools to fall back on. Everyone knows that while applying you pick your major or you go in undecided. Junior year of high school, I was diagnosed with anxiety and depression so I came to the conclusion that I would study psychology because I needed to know why this was a thing. I was so interested in how the brain worked and I wanted to help people as much as possible.
It seemed like forever until I heard back. My friend was bringing me home from school and we were sitting in my driveway when my phone started ringing. It was my sister. I was confused because she was just right inside. She said, “There’s a big envelope for you from Castleton.” I literally screamed and ran inside. I ripped it open and I saw “Congratulations!” Once the initial shock was over, I read the entire letter, and then I hung it up on the fridge and waited for my mom to get home to notice. It took her longer than I would like to admit but when she finally did she screamed as well. It’s one of the days that I’ll remember for probably the rest of my life.
Summer started and it was time to go to registration. Which also happened to be the weekend of my birthday. So I signed up for classes on the day I turned 18. Turns out there was a summer reading assignment, and like always, I waited until the last minute to finish it, but it got done and sent in on time. Summer was finally coming to an end and move in day was getting closer and closer. Of course, it wasn’t any easier knowing that I would be leaving my nephew who was born two weeks beforehand. I would be missing out on a lot of things.
Move in day finally came. I knew I was going to be homesick but I didn’t know how fast it was going to hit me. My room was set up, everything in place, and my mom tells me that her and my dad were going to get headed. That’s when my heart dropped and I thought I was going to puke. I acted fine but my mom knew. They hugged me and they were on their way back home. Orientation started and honestly I was too busy to be homesick, but once I got those couple minutes of free time I didn’t know what to do with myself. I had even come to school with a roommate that I knew from high school and that still wasn’t helping. It’s just being there for the first time knowing that you have no friends, no one to talk to, you kind of just drown in your own thoughts. At least for me, it was like that. I got to know my suite mates and we were becoming really close, but still that first week was so hard, and I cried. Twice. I called my mom, told her I didn’t know if I could do it blah blah blah, and she told me to hang in there, and I told her I wanted to go home that weekend. She made me promise that if I went home that weekend, that I would go back, and I promised. I went home, saw my nephew, and then I knew I needed to go back. And I did. I wasn’t going to be one of those people who drop out after the first week. After I got over the homesickness, things got better and better.
Looking back now, being a sophomore here at Castleton University, I am so proud of myself and all that I have accomplished. There is one thing that I didn’t see coming, and that was wanting to switch my major. I’m still trying to figure out what exactly I want to do, but I’m leaning towards a major in Social Work and a minor in English.I guess my message to all the freshman out there is that you can do anything you put your mind to. Believe in yourself and don't doubt what you're actually capable of. But most of all, have fun.
