According to Larry Barretto, "Babies are bits of star-dust blown from the hand of God. Lucky is the woman who knows the pangs of birth for she has held a star."
Things would be simple if we, as women, could reach into the heavens and pluck our perfect little star ourselves. However, that is not how God intended us to bring our bundles of joy into the world. Instead, he chose the female body as a safe haven for our stars. It is here that they grow brighter and brighter until they burst with light.
This is a new beginning that many women crave. We swoon when we hear the first heartbeat. We scream with joy when the first kick has us reaching for the nearest object. We glow as we watch our bellies get bigger and bigger, knowing that with each passing day, we get closer and closer to holding our greatest joy in life.
What happens when those moments never come though? What happens when you have done everything right, but still, no star? What do you do when every single negative test begins to break down your spirit?
These are the questions that emerge when reality settles in and you realize, what if you cannot get pregnant?
Your heart starts to sink as the days, weeks, months, and years go by. With every failed pregnancy test, you lose a piece of your heart. What used to feel like passionate love with your partner, now feels like a forced five minutes whenever your phone alerts you that it is time to try again. The future, full of sleepless nights, diaper changing, and endless unforgettable milestones, now seems distant and bleak.
Now imagine feeling that for two years. Two years of heartbreak. Two years of feeling like you are not capable. Two years of reaching for something that seemed impossible. Two years of never-ending sadness.
These past two years have been difficult to endure. Every morning would begin with a prayer that God would somehow bless us with our own star. Every night ended with pleas to take away the sadness that dwelled within our hearts.
For a moment, we felt unheard. We felt that there would always be an empty space in our lives that only our very own child could fill. These feelings were almost enough to make us give up. Truthfully, maybe we were giving up. Maybe, if this test turned out to be negative like the rest of them, we would call it quits and fill the void with objects that would never amount to the joy a child would have brought us.
It was on January 25, 2019 that giving up seemed like a good idea. God had decided that motherhood would have to come in some other form or fashion. It was this decision that we were ready to accept.
As we watched one line form to give us the answer we already expected, we vowed to be done with it. Our hearts broke for the last time. Just as we began to burn all the memories we had formed in our heads, something started to appear on the stick. It was faint and almost unbelievable, but it was there.
A second line.
A second line giving us hope and allowing our hearts to flutter with joy for a moment. As the line became clearer and more distinct, hope turned into a blissful reality and the fluttering was now masked by the loud heartbeat of a woman who could now see herself having her very own star.
Hundreds of miles away was my very own heartbeat, thumping loud and clear for all to hear THAT I AM GOING TO BE AN AUNT!
That is right, after two years of trying, my sister, Harley, is finally expecting her very first baby in September!
Harley and Travis are going to be absolutely wonderful parents and I am so excited to watch them grow as a couple and as a family! Their experience has shown me the importance of perseverance and never giving up on something that means the world to you. I am so thankful that my sister is such a headstrong woman who did not give up because now I can look forward to spoiling my first niece or nephew this year!
To all of you woman who are on a similar journey, do not give up. It is true that some things are not meant to be, but there is always a way and that is something you should never forget. A mother's love is strong and true no matter how it is established.
To you, Harley, I love you and I thank God every day for giving you the blessing you have been asking for!
