This semester, I've become so involved in my school and other commitments that sometimes it feels like I barely have time to breath. I have classes to attend, tests to study for, papers to write, people to interview, meetings to attend, events to plan, games and practices to show up to, and so much more. I'm constantly running around.
Over the past couple of weeks, I've felt more disconnected with God than I have in a long time. He just didn't seem present and I was starting to become frustrated. I haven't been desiring Him or seeking Him and I feel like I'm stuck in a rut. For the longest time, I couldn't figure out why I was and still am feeling this way.
Today, I realized why. I wasn't intentionally pursuing Christ and making time in my day to really be alone with God over the past few weeks. Even when I did remember to make time for Him, it always felt forced and more of a chore than a pleasure.
Whenever I realized I hadn't made time for Christ that day, I'd instantly feel annoyed and think, "Do I really have to read my Bible today?" I'd squeeze 20 minutes into my day just to say that I did my quiet time. The problem was that I wasn't really spending time with God during my "quiet time." I was just reading some lines in the Bible without trying to grasp what God was trying to teach me. I was just writing some words in my journal just to write something. I didn't put my heart into my quiet time and I wasn't actually spending that time to really connect with God.
This has affected me more than I initially realized. I haven't been finding joy as easily as I used to. I've felt more stressed than usual. I've been negative, easily-annoyed, selfish, and so much more. I've been frustrated with myself for feeling this way, but I haven't actually done much to fix this problem.
The thing is, I need God, and I need Him daily. I need all of Him and He wants all of me each and every day. He doesn't want part of me for just a small part of my day. He wants me always. Every second, every minute, every day, and every year. He desires me and I should desire knowing Him.
There are simple ways I can put God into my life more. I can listen to worship music more. I can pray to Him as I walk to class. I can read Bible verses on my phone while I wait for class to start. I can take a 30-minute break from studying to read my Bible or write in my prayer journal. All these things help make Christ my focus in life.
I'm still struggling with this. Even today I still haven't spent alone time with Christ, and it's almost dinner time. I'm working on making Christ the focus and center of my life and making time for Him, despite how crazy my schedule gets. I want to desire God more, and I have to force myself to actually start doing something to make a difference in my life. I can't sit around waiting for God to show up because He's already there. I'm the one who has to step up and meet God. I have to make the time for Him and make everything else revolve around Him. I challenge you all to do the same.
