Losing My Faith Made Me A Better Christian
Start writing a post
Religion

Losing My Faith Made Me A Better Christian

Finding my way back to God was hard, but worth it.

314
Losing My Faith Made Me A Better Christian
Pixabay

I was raised in a household on Southern Baptists who went to church every Sunday. I participated in vacation bible school every summer and went to Sunday school each week. Despite this, I was never baptized or even asked if I wanted to be baptized. I never thought it was a big deal until middle school. I went to a Catholic High School, not because anyone in my family was Catholic, but because it was the best school in town. In my religion classes, we were basically taught that people who aren't baptized won't get to Heaven as easily. I couldn't understand this. I was a good person who made good decisions, so why couldn't I go to Heaven when I died? This was where I started questioning my faith in God.

After I transferred school and moved to a different town, I tried out new churches with my boyfriend. He was also raised in a Southern Baptist family, so we automatically went to the local Baptist church. I went with him every Sunday, not for myself, but for him. I didn't want him to know I was questioning everything, or that I didn't feel like I fit in at any church. Eventually, I broke down and told him how I felt. He respected my feelings and continued going to church without me. I stopped trying to force myself into churches and focused on learning more about different religions. I struggled to find one that I identified with. At that point, I didn't even know if I believed there was a god or higher power. I also started struggling with depression and anxiety around this time. I felt like my life was falling apart.

Fast forward to my first year in college, when my boyfriend and I had our first big falling out. I hadn't made any friends yet, and I felt like I didn't have anyone to turn to. One night, after we got into a huge fight, I sat on my bed and prayed for the first time in years. It wasn't a prayer like I was used to. There was no structure, no "Dear Heavenly Father" or memorized words. I prayed unlike I had ever prayed before, like I was talking to a friend. I told God about my struggles and begged for a solution, then told Him about my lack of faith and asked for a sign.

I don't know exactly what I expected to happen. Maybe I wanted to hear God tell me everything would be okay. Maybe I wanted an immediate sign from Him. I was frustrated that I didn't get these things. The next time I felt alone, I prayed again in the same way I had before, but this time I didn't ask for a quick fix or a sign. I asked for guidance and patience. This is when I truly found out how amazing God is. Suddenly, I felt at peace. I had a feeling inside of me that everything would work itself out. I reevaluating the way I viewed God and prayer. I learned that He isn't going to magically make all of your troubles go away, but He will guide you through it. After I changed my point of view on everything, I was exposed to a breathtaking relationship with God.

No, I still don't go to church every Sunday. No, I don't follow every rule in the Bible. Despite this, I feel closer to God and closer to my faith knowing that I found my way to Him on my own. He showed me love and forgiveness after I came back, begging for help. I'm still on my journey to becoming a better Christian, a better friend, and a better daughter, but I know that He is there for me, no matter what.

Report this Content
This article has not been reviewed by Odyssey HQ and solely reflects the ideas and opinions of the creator.
Featured

Why I Don't Write (Or Read) An "Open Letter To My Future Husband/Wife"

Because inflated expectations and having marriage as your only goal are overrated.

11144
Urban Intellectuals

Although I have since changed my major I remember the feverish hysteria of applying to nursing school--refreshing your email repeatedly, asking friends, and frantically calculating your GPA at ungodly hours of the night. When my acceptance came in I announced the news to friends and family with all the candor of your average collegiate. I was met with well wishes, congratulations, and interrogations on the program's rank, size, etc. Then, unexpectedly, I was met with something else.

Keep Reading... Show less
Content Inspiration

Top 3 Response Articles of This Week

Meet the creators making their voices heard on Odyssey.

1085
Top 3 Response Articles of This Week
Why I Write On Odyssey

At Odyssey, we're on a mission to encourage constructive discourse on the Internet. That's why we created the response button you can find at the bottom of every article.

Last week, our response writers sparked some great conversations right here on our homepage. Here are the top three response articles:

Keep Reading... Show less
Featured

"Arthur's Perfect Christmas" Is The Perfect Holiday Special, Move Over Charlie Brown

Arthur Read is here to deliver the real meaning of Christmas.

2697
Pexels

As the holiday season draws nearer, many of us find ourselves drawn to the same old Rankin-Bass Christmas specials and the perennial favorite, "A Charlie Brown Christmas." However, I would like to suggest an overlooked alternative, "Arthur's Perfect Christmas." It is a heartfelt, funny, and surprisingly inclusive Christmas special that deserves more recognition.

Keep Reading... Show less
Reclaim Your Weekends From The 'Sunday Scaries' With 'Self-Love Sundays' Instead
Olivia DeLucia

Laid back and taking it easy — sometimes that is the motto we all need after a busy week. Sunday scaries? Yes, they are valid – but you know what else is? A Sunday full of self-love. A lazy Sunday spent doing what you feel needs to be done to ease into the next week. Self-Love Sundays are a guilty pleasure that isn't only essential for our mind, and body, but are also a surprisingly proactive way to devote the upcoming week with a clear mindset.

So, what is a more suitable way to dedicate your week's end than a beautifully, connected playlist to accompany your face masks and journaling? Cheers, to a Self-Love Sunday (and a playlist intertwined with it to match). (Please note: "Sunday Morning" isn't included in this list, due to the obvious, but feel free to blast it anyway, we know you want to).

Keep Reading... Show less
Featured

On Sunday Morning

Breaking Free

2669
Sunset Girl

The sun rose and peeked through the sheer curtains. Rose’s alarm shrieked. The loud bells caused her phone to jump on the side table. It was time for her to get ready for church. Blindly reaching for her phone, she shut the alarm off and pulled at the covers providing her a cocoon of warmth and tossed them to the side. She swept her bare feet across the bed to touch the cool wooden floor.

Rose softly tiptoed to the corner of the bedroom to grab her clothes dangling on the arm of the bedroom chair. Scooping all of the items of her chosen outfit, she headed to the bathroom hoping that she wouldn’t drop anything.

Round, piercing blue eyes stared back at her in the bathroom mirror. Rose fingered the wrinkles forming around her eyes. So many of them bore signs of laughter and smiling. Slowly dropping her hands, she couldn’t remember the last time she laughed in her home with Tom. Shaking her head as if to erase the negative thoughts, she reached for her makeup bag and went through her regular routine.

Applying her favorite deep rose lipstick, Rose headed downstairs to make her coffee and bagel to take with her to church. The smell of dark-roast coffee swirled in the air as Rose sliced her cinnamon raisin bagel. Hearing the Keurig sputter with the fresh brew, Rose found the interruption of the stillness comforting. The toaster signaled that her bagel was done with a soft pop. It had a delicious golden brown color. Placing the bagel on the counter, she generously spread honey nut flavored cream cheese across both halves. Gathering her bible, notebook, and pens from the side table on the porch she stuffed them into her purse. Purse hanging on her right shoulder she juggled her coffee and bagel in both of her hands as she headed to the garage.

Keep Reading... Show less

Subscribe to Our Newsletter

Facebook Comments