As I moved out of my dorm this year, I felt a bit of bitter sweetness.

On one hand, it’s summer and I get to find myself a job and relax without any regrets. Cleaning up the dorm resembled the end of a year which was good, but dragged on in some ways until the end. I lost interest in assignments, started daydreaming, and found myself doing more in leisure than what was necessary.

Yet I also felt sad: I also had some good memories in that dorm room with my roommate. We talked and shared snacks and watched an episode of Friends. We had little issues, but also laughed and smiled and shared a few hugs. But she already left when I got there for the last time, so I wasn’t able to say goodbye to her in person as I cleaned up.

And I thought about the future as I drank some of the leftover sparkling lemonade and ate the last part of the apple pie I bought a week earlier. I saw it as a void of infinite possibilities.

***

Overall, my sophomore year was a good year. My classes were interesting, ranging from Queer Theory to the Planets, and my Chinese classes involved reading stories and discussing issues. I got into the International Studies major, my long-awaited goal, and I have plans for studying abroad.

Simultaneously, said plans are currently in flux. I don’t have many plans for the summer--save for a phone-a-thon job at my high school for the coming week, in which I call alumni to update information and ask for donations to improve Lakeside’s programs. I’ve looked at several jobs and started applying, but I’m starting to find myself becoming lazier and lazier when I need to find someone to advocate for my place.

Naturally, that’s what summer vacation is all about: to decide what to do with the next few months. The negative thing is that when one gets older, one has to think about the future and job experiences at the same time, thus the stories about people getting internships and entry-level jobs. When not that, going to summer school to advance their education and get a few more credits to graduate.

I tried to get an internship in Washington D.C, but got rejected. I also let several others slide across the bay because I didn’t have the commitment to finish the applications, which is a bad excuse, but is my reason nevertheless.

One of the people at my Historical Fencing Club commented how he still needs to find a job, and that this summer would be the last time one can enjoy life before it’s necessary to find a part-time job or to get an internship to accumulate experience for post-graduation life. My uncle told me he regretted not applying for internships while he was an undergraduate student, which would make his job search easier now.

***

So now, I’m searching for what to do in the summer so that I can have fun and do some work simultaneously. My arc is here, but where will it go?