I sit here by the Christmas tree at home and cannot think about anything other than Christmas. Christmas has always been my favorite holiday ever and it means so much to me. Of course there is the importance of family during this season and my family has loads of traditions that make Christmas such a wonderful holiday. However, for me, there is even more. I grew up a Christian and my family has always attended the Christmas Eve service but it has not been until recently where I have truly recognized the significance of the birth of Jesus, which is what Christmas marks.

During the advent season, we watch and wait for the coming of Christ. We light candles around a wreath that symbolize different aspects. These include Hope, Peace, Love, and Joy. Joy. That is the one that this Christmas season I have spent so much time focusing on and recognizing during this season. Sometimes it's hard to be joyful, even in the midst of the Christmas season. On the outside, I have seemed like my usual Christmas self. I have been playing Christmas music since well before Thanksgiving. I have bought lots of presents for family and friends. I have already celebrated one Christmas with my school friends. However, on the inside, I have been hurting. This semester was emotionally a rough one. Somehow, I got through and passed the semester, but there is still a lot of healing to happen in my life. SoI try to get myself caught up in the joy of Christmas and sometimes it works, and other times, I have no clue what I am doing.

So how do we experience this joy? A few weeks ago, the pastor at the church I attend near school started his sermon out by saying "Joy is not found in our circumstances, it's found in our Savior." This is something that I have held on to and keep going back to when I try to find joy in the circumstances. Of course the fun family traditions bring joy but it's also tough when you battle a mental illness.

So how am I experiencing joy this Christmas? To start, I am reading the story of Jesus' birth in Luke 2. Reading this has allowed me to change "what ifs" to "even ifs". What do I mean by this? Well, instead of thinking about how disappointed I am about the semester I had or other tough circumstances, I no longer think "what if I do not do as well" but I think "even if I do not do as well as I hoped, I have a Lord who loves me enough to send His Son for my salvation." As I read the Christmas story, I recognize that Christmas will come, the birth happened and nothing that I say or do will take away the fact that Jesus was born and ended up on the cross for my sins. There is so much joy that comes from the baby and so I keep focus on that.

My wish for others this Christmas season is that you can take a moment and recognize the joy that we have through Jesus. I know it something that I keep reminding myself day in and day out during this Christmas season. It does not mean that the tough situations disappear, for they are still there and there is still work to be done but the pain can be eased by recognizing the true joy of the season.