Happiness can mean different things to different people. For me, it means to be at peace with and enjoying your life. I do not know a single person who does not wish to be happy. It is something we all long for and will do anything to get. For me, something eye-opening happened when I decided to google the definition of happiness.
At first glance, all you see is the definition of happiness which is "the state of being happy." But if you look just one line below that, you see the word used in a sentence. That sentence is, "she struggled to find happiness in her life." As I read this short sentence, I felt myself start to tear up. I realize that I am in a constant struggle of trying to be happy.
My biggest problem is that I base my happiness on others. When I look in the mirror, I judge how I look based on how others will react. And when I leave my room, I am in need for constant approval. I need someone to tell me that my shirt is cute, my makeup looks nice, and that I am acceptable. If I see two people talking, I wonder if it is about me. When i don't receive immediate and constant validation, I second guess everything about myself. I tell others I don't care what people think so maybe they will think better of me for it. No matter how many times I deny it, I know that my happiness is dependent on others.
Here's what happens when your happiness depends on others: you're never happy. Instead of actually finding happiness, you find disappointment. You find shame and doubt. You find pain. You find a life where every time you think you've found happiness, something happens to destroy it. Searching for happiness in others leads to a very hard life of never feeling like enough.
What you have to realize is that people do not care as much as you think they do. When you think those two girls are whispering about you, they're actually talking about the sale happening at Old Navy. When that girl tells you she likes your makeup, she means it. She is not Regina Georging you to make herself laugh. When that cute guy doesn't notice you, it's not because you look like a mess. It's because he's freaking about how he probably just failed his math test. The problem with basing happiness on others is that we create delusions in our heads that end up ruining us.
Today, I am going to make a change. I am going to decide that I am enough no matter what others think. No matter what I think others think. No, it is not going to change my life in one day. I am still going to worry about what others think. But I will make a conscious effort to love myself. Every morning, I am going to wake up, look in the mirror, and tell myself I am enough. I may not always believe it, but it is the truth. There will be days that I feel like my world is falling apart, but I have to remind myself that I am enough.
Creating my own happiness is going to be hard. The world has conditioned us to believe that the opinion of society is the end all, be all. But this is not the truth. What really matters in life is that you put yourself first. Stop worrying about what others think and do what brings you joy. So what if others think that shirt is ugly? You love it. If it makes you happy, go for it. It's time to stop hoping that others will approve of you and just decide to approve of yourself. And when you learn to love yourself and live the life you want, you will finally experience real happiness.
