"You've given me the best gift that I've ever known, You give me purpose." - Justin Bieber (don't judge)
Somtimes the hardest parts our lives make us realize the most wonderful things. In the past year, I've had a lot of really hard, very dark times.
No one, including me, likes to talk about depression and for a good reason; depression is terrifying. Personally, I don't like to talk about it because I feel like somewhat of a failure and weak, even though it's something I couldn't control.
You always hear depression being compared to "a black pit" and honestly, that's probably the best way to describe it. Every person goes through depression differently and it affects them in different ways. For me, it felt like I couldn't slow down my mind. It kept me up at night because I was constantly overthinking (more than usual) and constantly questioning who I was, what I believe in, why I'm here... basically just everything.
A couple of months ago, I hit one of those rough patches. No one knew about and even writing this right now, no one knows. I had nothing, in particular, to be sad about, everything in my life was going relatively well, or at least as good as it could be. I was just starting college, making good grades, and surprisingly not overwhelmed with work. But I knew it was coming and I could feel the depression coming like clouds moving in during a storm. Like I said, it made me question everything and honestly, it got to a point of me thinking there was no reason that I was alive.
That's where this darkness gets its light. The only thing I knew to do was pray, because while I did have medication, it could only do so much. After so much playing and a couple weeks of restless nights, the concrete fact hit me: we're not here out of coincidence. I know that sounds simple because it is. But when you're incessantly fighting against your own mind, having that one thought that sticks with you are an incredible help. Can you imagine if the entire history of the human race was just an accident and there was no purpose to anything? That would be horrible. It would be pointless, but it's not. We were all placed on this Earth for a reason.
That's where we all go wrong. We get so consumed in our own lives and what we want to do and that's when we question things. Whether you choose to believe it or not, God put you in existence for a purpose. You were created because God loved you and wanted to get to know you. Isn't that amazing? The Creator of this world said, "I want to know you and I know you're not going to be perfect, but I want to love you anyway."
When we run away from that, that's when we lose sight of who we are. We lose sight of what our purpose is. We lose any shred of identity we once knew. Your purpose is to spread Love and give Love and know Love. How you do that is up to you and God, not anyone else. Because we're all individuals with different strengths and weaknesses, how we live out our purpose will be different from our friends and families and every other person. We're not all looking for our purpose, we're looking how to fulfill it. You could be a teacher, journalist, engineer, or whatever you want. As long as you're using your God given talent to make a positive and loving impact, you're on the right path. Make sense?
This doesn't mean that you won't get depressed if you know God. Life is hard. He never promised it would be easy, He only promised it would be worth it. Depression hits and it's ok. Each time I was in the darkest abyss and thought there was no chance of it ever getting better, I was proven wrong and eventually climbed out into the biggest burst of light. Just because I'm on the bright side now doesn't mean the clouds won't roll in again.
So keep going and don't give up. Keep fighting against the negativity because you're here for a reason. See a doctor, seek counsel, talk to people you trust and love. Whatever you do, hang in there. You have purpose.
