Use This Test To Find Out How Stupid You Are

Use This Test To Find Out How Stupid You Are

I survey the university to find out if everyone here is up to standard IQ.
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I recently started a study on my university's campus...

...where I observed people's behavior in silence and later asked them questions in order to gauge their general level of intelligence. In essence, I challenged each and every person, whether knowingly or unknowingly, to an intellectually titanic game of chess; let me explain how.

Firstly, I sat in one of the commonly-visited areas of campus, the library, in my incognito outfit (trench coat, shades, fedora— everything you need to be inconspicuous.) As people passed by me chillaxing on one of the chairs and playing Starfox 64 on my DS, I took mental note of how many noticed me. This was the first sign of a heightened intellectual sense...

Secondly, after being asked to leave the reading rooms, I waited outside to interview each of the people who had noticeably looked over at me, in my almost unnoticeable position. At this point, I had taken off my shades in order to seem more approachable to the common peasant. This time, I had my trusty notepad out to record what would transpire. As each person came out over the course of several (five) hours, I asked each of them a riddle:

"If Jimmy is 8 and his brother Albert is half his age, how old will Albert be when Jimmy is 80?"

To which the typical answer was a resounding "76," which most people would assume is correct. What these people didn't know, however, is that Albert's age has a direct, multiplicative relation to Jimmy's, meaning that when Jimmy is 80, Albert will be 40, since he ages at half the rate that Jimmy does. The fact that almost none of these people, none of these college students were able to answer this very simple riddle correctly is, to be a quiet Frank, astounding to me. Among these very clearly mentally challenged students, I also found people who tended to major in sociology and unironically listened to Gucci Gang. Shocking, to say the least.

There was one person, however, who did get this riddle correct: it was me, yours truly. Sorry to say but, if you can't measure up to my level of intelligence, then you really shouldn't be in college, and have fun working at McDonald's with your inferior IQs when you inevitably realize your lack of mental capability. To those of you who understood the riddle and answered it correctly: congratulations. I will treat you with respect, but not as an equal, because there can be only one, and honey? You've got a big storm heading your way.

Cover Image Credit: Pexels

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5 Things I Learned While Being A CNA

It's more than just $10 an hour. It is priceless.
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If I asked you to wipe someone's butt for $10 would you do it? If I asked you to give a shower to a blind, mentally confused person for $10 would you do it? If I asked you to simply wear a shirt stained with feces that was not your own for 12+ hours for $10 would you do it?

You probably wouldn't do it. I do it every day. During the course of one hour I change diapers, give showers to those who can no longer bathe themselves, feed mouths that sometimes can no longer speak and show love to some that do not even know I am there all for ten dollars.

I am a certified nursing assistant.

My experiences while working as a CNA have made me realize a few things that I believe every person should consider, especially those that are in the medical field.

1. The World Needs More People To Care

Working as a nursing assistant is not my only source of income. For the past year I have also worked as a waitress. There are nights that I make triple the amount while working as a waitress for 6 hours than I make while taking care of several lives during a 12 hour shift. Don't get me wrong, being a waitress is not a piece of cake. I do, however, find it upsetting that people care more about the quality of their food than the quality of care that human beings are receiving. I think the problem with the world is that we need to care more or more people need to start caring.

2. I Would Do This Job For Free

One of my teachers in high school said "I love my job so much, if I didn't have to pay bills, I would do it for free." I had no clue what this guy was talking about. He would work for free? He would teach drama filled, immature high school students for free? He's crazy.

I thought he was crazy until I became a CNA. Now I can honestly say that this is a job I would do for free. I would do it for free? I'd wipe butts for free? I must be crazy.

There is a very common misconception that I am just a butt-wiper, but I am more than that. I save lives!

Every night I walk into work with a smile on my face at 5:00 PM, and I leave with a grin plastered on my face from ear to ear every morning at 5:30 AM. These people are not just patients, they are my family. I am the last face they see at night and the first one they talk to in the morning.

3. Eat Dessert First

Eat your dessert first. My biggest pet peeve is when I hear another CNA yell at another human being as if they are being scolded. One day I witnessed a co-worker take away a resident's ice cream, because they insisted the resident needed to "get their protein."

Although that may be true, we are here to take care of the patients because they can't do it themselves. Residents do not pay thousands of dollars each month to be treated as if they are pests. Our ninety-year-old patients do not need to be treated as children. Our job is not to boss our patients around.

This might be their last damn meal and you stole their ice cream and forced them to eat a tasteless cafeteria puree.

Since that day I have chosen to eat desserts first when I go out to eat. The next second of my life is not promised. Yes, I would rather consume an entire dessert by myself and be too full to finish my main course, than to eat my pasta and say something along the lines of "No, I'll pass on cheesecake. I'll take the check."

A bowl of ice cream is not going to decrease the length of anyone's life any more than a ham sandwich is going to increase the length of anyone's life. Therefore, I give my patients their dessert first.

4. Life Goes On

This phrase is simply a phrase until life experience gives it a real meaning. If you and your boyfriend break up or you get a bad grade on a test life will still continue. Life goes on.

As a health care professional you make memories and bonds with patients and residents. This summer a resident that I was close to was slowly slipping away. I knew, the nurses knew and the family knew. Just because you know doesn't mean that you're ready. I tried my best to fit in a quick lunch break and even though I rushed to get back, I was too late. The nurse asked me to fulfill my duty to carry on with post-mortem care. My eyes were filled with tears as I gathered my supplies to perform the routine bed bath. I brushed their hair one last time, closed their eye lids and talked to them while cleansing their still lifeless body. Through the entire process I talked and explained what I was doing as I would if my patient were still living.

That night changed my life.

How could they be gone just like that? I tried to collect my thoughts for a moment. I broke down for a second before *ding* my next call. I didn't have a moment to break down, because life goes on.

So, I walked into my next residents room and laughed and joked with them as I normally would. I put on a smile and I probably gave more hugs that night than I normally do.

That night I learned something. Life goes on, no matter how bad you want it to just slow down. Never take anything for granted.

5. My Patients Give My Life Meaning

My residents gave my life a new meaning. I will never forget the day I worked twelve hours and the person that was supposed to come in for me never showed up. I needed coffee, rest, breakfast or preferably all of the above. I recall feeling exasperated and now I regret slightly pondering to myself "Should I really be spending my summer like this?" Something happened that changed my view on life completely. I walked into a resident's room and said "Don't worry it's not Thursday yet", since I had told her on that Tuesday morning that she wouldn't see me until I worked again on Thursday. She laughed and exclaimed "I didn't think so, but I didn't want to say anything," she chuckled and then she smiled at me again before she said, "Well... I am glad you're still here." The look on her face did nothing less than prove her words to be true. That's when I realized that I was right where I needed to be.

Yes, I was exhausted. Yes, I needed caffeine or a sufficient amount of sleep. My job is not just a job. My work is not for a paycheck. My residents mean more to me than any amount of money.

I don't mind doing what I do for $10; because you can't put a price on love. The memories that I have with my patients are priceless.


Cover Image Credit: Mackenzie Rogers

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The Ultimate Fall-Themed Bucket List To Make The Most Of Your Autumn

Here's a list of my bucket list for the next couple months.

Saige
Saige
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Fall is my all time favorite time of the year! October through December are the best months because the weather is amazing and all of the holidays are full of family and fun. There is just something about the fall air that makes the world so enjoyable. Pumpkin spice and football games are just a few of the beautiful things autumn has to offer.

Here are the top places my friends and I have been talking about doing these next couple weeks (and I guess we will see if we end up making it to all these places and doing these things)...

1. 31 nights of Halloween

31 nights of Halloween is new this year to Freeform, and I could not be more excited! 31 days is so much better than the usual 13 days.

2. Haunted House

Who doesn't love being terrified? Haunted houses are always so fun and the time leading up to it is always fun as well. Haunted houses and scary corn mazes are the best part of October.

3. A pumpkin patch

You can't have fall without pumpkins, and the pumpkin patch is the best place for that.

4. Carve the perfect pumpkin and roast the seeds

I don't remember the last time I carved a pumpkin, I am sure my skills have gotten a little better. Growing up the best part about carving pumpkins was always roasting the seeds after and putting cinnamon and sugar on them.

5. Halloween party

Dressing up for Halloween is one of the best parts about October because for one night you can be whoever you want. The decorations at Halloween parties are always so cute and creative as well.

6. Try everything pumpkin spice

This time of the year is most famous for everything becoming pumpkin flavor from coffee to ice cream and everything in between.

7. Decorating 

I love decorating and seeing all the different decorations for fall and halloween everywhere.

8. K-State football game & tailgate

Nothing is better than a nice crisp day cheering on the Wildcats to a victory in the Bill.

9. Shopping

Shopping is my favorite thing to do no matter the season, but shopping for fall clothes is the most fun. Finding cute sweaters and scarves to layer your outfits is my favorite.

These are just a few of the many things I want to do before it is too late and hopefully this gave you and your friends some ideas on what to do this fall!

Saige
Saige

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