Well, I tried to avoid this at all costs.
I didn't want to be that girl. That girl that talks about her heartbreak a year later.
But here I am. I think it's time that I forgave you.
See, forgiving you wasn't easy at all.
You were the first to do everything with me.
I loved the way you looked at me while we were driving home.
I loved how you had a taste for music like I did.
I loved how you would call me "Blueberry" and talk in your high pitched voice.
You came to my parents and asked for my hand (as in dating you).
I remember when it was Valentine's Day. I caught a fever and you took care of me.
For some reason, you wanted to go to the movies or just get me out of the house that night.
I felt better and went to the movies. When I came back to my room, you had my room decorated for V-Day. I cried and said, "No one has ever done anything like this for me."
Your family was amazing. Till this day, I love and adore your mom and dad.
Crazy how a year has gone by and I still remember the minor details. Why would I try to forget them? It was a great time in my life.
Until the day you started acting different. You weren't the same for an entire week.
You wouldn't contact me, I didn't hear from you whatsoever. Then I gave you an ultimatum.
You came and got me. We argued. We cried.
I looked at you and said, "Do you see me in your future?"
You looked at me and said, "I see you happy with someone else."
I fell to my knees. I fell to my knees because I made you my God.
I screamed at the top of my lungs. You got out of the car and walked away.
I saw another car come up and it was your parents. Your mom ran to me and held me as I screamed and cried. She said, "I'm so sorry, honey."
I didn't want her to let me go. I wanted to just stay in her arms forever.
She took me home in your car as I continued to cry. She walked to me the door and said, "I'm so sorry, honey." "I love you, lil B."
I didn't go into my parents' room. I didn't want them to know.
My mom came in my room that same night and held me as I cried.
It's hard to let go of something that you thought would never disappear or switch up.
Nights I would wake up crying. I wouldn't stop crying. I couldn't.
I lost 30 pounds in two weeks. I was depressed for seven whole months.
I remember wanting to meet up with you for closure. You objected. You couldn't look at me.
I thank you for breaking my heart. I thank you for all the broken promises.
Thank you for going ghost and leaving me alone.
I was able to heal faster. Out of sight, out of mind.
You were a wolf in sheep's clothing. You had no idea, and neither did I.
I pray that you're happy, wherever you are.
Know that I don't hate you. I will always love you and respect you.
Little did I know that this situation would turn me into the strong woman that I am today.
I thank God for bringing me out of that dark place.
I've learned that some people are just there in your life to make you a better person for the next person.
Seasons change just like people do. Nothing ever stays the same. Some change for the better and some change for the worse.
It took everything in me to forgive you. In order for God to forgive me for my sins, I had to forgive you.
I want you to know that I'm doing fine. I just wanted to forgive you finally.
Now I know how to love and how not to love.
“Have enough courage to trust love one more time and always one more time.”
– Maya Angelou