I feel like a fucking convenience. And you need to understand that I'm not. I'm not some dingy, dirty store with a flickering neon sign, indicating that I am open 24 hours to be taken advantage of at your leisure. I have a life. Well, I want to have a life. Just because I do nothing most of the time doesn't mean I do nothing all of the time. I'm trying. Please don't assume that I have nothing going on because maybe I do have something going on. And though the balance of probability tells you I don't, I would at least like to be given the option to formally accept your request for my time.
I feel used. I hate that. Do you know what happens when it suddenly hits you that you have just been taken advantage of? You feel like shit--worse than that, actually. You feel like a Fig Newton that has finally been picked up by a little kid who you think might just be different from the rest, but then you realize that it's only because everyone else took all of the chocolate peanut butter brownies in the bowl. You were nothing more than a last-resort, seventh choice. You were only picked up because that poor kid was absolutely starving and he needed you. He didn't want you, he just needed you. There's a difference, and it's as deep as fall your heart takes when you realize you are on the undesired end of that difference. Why do I have to be a Fig Newton? Can't I be a fucking peanut butter brownie to someone?
What I want is what anyone else wants: to feel important, to feel loved, to feel wanted. But I feel none of those things. Has it ever occurred to you that the price of my convenience may have just cost you my feelings? That you are paying with a currency which you do not own?
But I'm done with being chained to a job I never signed up for. I quit. And it's not because I'm mad at you or because I hate you. It's because I've decided that I love myself. And you're just going to have to be okay with that. I wonder if I will be okay with you not being okay with that...
So from now on, please be wary of the sign on the door. The store will be closed for an indefinite period of time. We hope you understand, and we apologize for the inconvenience.
