In the past several years the meaning of the term “feminist” has changed from being a person who believes in equality for men and women to the connotative belief that women are better than men in every way possible. Now a days if you refer to yourself as a feminist you are met with darting glares, scoffs and insults hurled towards you before you can defend yourself. Our society sees feminists all the same way, as the extremists, anti-androcentric monsters who believe women should sit on a pedestal which is simply not true. As someone who calls themselves a feminist I believe that men and women should be treated equally in the workplace, the government and that is the standard try to live by. In my school work, job, and relationships I try to live with those feminist ideals but that rarely ever not happen. As Roxane Gay would say, I am a bad feminist.
For those not familiar, Roxane Gay wrote an award winning collection of essay titled Bad Feminist saying that she is a “bad” feminist because of the way she lives her life vs what she preaches. She says that even though she considers herself a feminist, she believes in the basic principles, she feels as though she brings feminists down by how she acts and what she does claiming others consider it anti-feminist. The first time I read this essay I was overjoyed that I was not the only person that felt this way, that someone else was going through the same dilemma.
Living in the south I was taught at a young age that men should open doors for me and when I am out running errands or out at dinner that is what I expect to happen. Even though I would open the door for anyone and I have women open the door for me all the time I do not see a female doing it as an expectation like I do a man. I listen to music that treats women like trash. There have been songs I have listened to in the past that have graphic subject matter about women and their “fat asses” but I listen to it anyways, ignoring the message. In my home I clean and get the groceries everyday, no one asked me to, no one makes me but I do it anyways. My boyfriend would gladly do it but without thinking I say it is my job. Even in my retail job I work in an environment that caters women.
I wear dresses, wear makeup, want a family, cook every meal, I dream about my wedding day, I like pumpkin spice lattes and shave my legs so when express my feminist beliefs to other feminists I am looked down on. On the other hand when I say I am a feminist to a non believer I am called a crazy liberal who needs “get real”. I am in between these two sides that are so far apart I can do not fit into either.
Regardless of the Webster's Dictionary definition of feminism, Gay says it best, “I embrace the label of bad feminist because I am human. I am messy....I am a bad feminist because I never want to be placed on a Feminist Pedestal”. Not all feminist are perfect but the war we are fighting has its flaws aswell. Feminism is a team effort for both men and women to fight and we can not fight it if we are tearing each other down. I know I do not have to have a family, or cook or clean, but I want to. I do not have to wear makeup or shave my armpits to be beautiful, but I also do not have to do it to be a feminist. Bad feminist or not, I am still a feminist.
