In the never-ending struggle against misogyny, there is one sentiment I've encountered that I've never understood, and it goes something like this:

"Why do you wear so much makeup, aren't you a feminist?"

"How can you be in the Feminist Club and the Cheer team? That doesn't make sense."

"You can't be a feminist, you're wearing pink."

"She isn't a feminist, she's a stay-at-home mom."

Basically, the idea is that people can't reconcile the idea of women's rights with the traditional concept of femininity. I think that this may come from the stereotype of the "old, ugly, hairy feminist," which is a problem in and of itself. People just don't get that there's no wrong way to express femininity, and that feminists are just fighting for the right to express that however they choose (among other things, of course.)

What got me thinking about this bizarre misconception were the recent statements made by UFC 190 headliner Ronda Rousey. In response to the public's comments that her body was not attractive because of it's 'masculine features,' Rousey had this to say:

"I have this one term for the kind of woman that my mother raised me to not be. I call it a 'do-nothing bitch.' Or, I call it a 'DNB' a lot of the time. She's a bitch who just tries to be pretty and be taken care of by someone else. That's why I think it's hilarious if people say that my body looks masculine, or something like that. I'm just like, 'Listen, just because my body was developed for a purpose other than f****** millionaires doesn't mean it's masculine.' I think it's femininely bad-ass as f*** because there's not a single muscle on my body that isn't for a purpose. Because I'm not a do-nothing bitch."

While I think that the comments against Rousey's body were misogynistic in themselves, I also think that her response has a number of problematic elements. Though Rousey doesn't say that DNBs are "anti-feminists," she does imply that they are an enemy, a rival of the 'real' woman, and an anti-woman.

What Ronda should've done, in my opinion, is say: "C'mon people, gender roles are dead and you can't define my femininity!" and then skip promptly off into the sunset. Instead, Rousey took this great opportunity to shatter the oppressive stereotypes that were plaguing her, and decided to endorse negative stereotypes of other women.

Now, I don't want to attack Rousey or make an enemy of her. However, I think her statement shows that she doesn't understand that femininity and feminism aren't mutually exclusive. Ronda's whole idea of the DNB hinges on her point that her body and the way she uses it ARE feminine and the 'do-nothing bitches'' bodies and the ways they use them aren't feminine because their concept of femininity is different than hers.

Femininity is a deeply complex and fluid concept. It is intensely personal and completely up to the individual. Nobody should be shamed because of how their expression of femininity does or does not fit with society's expectations. Someone whose body is muscular and used for fighting can be feminine, just like Rousey said! However, someone who has never lifted a weight in her life and enjoys cosmetology and fashion can also be feminine. Condemning their expression of gender by calling these women 'do-nothing bitches' not only reinforces the very concept that I believe Rousey is trying to fight (that society's expectations of femininity are skewed), it also attacks them with a deeply misogynistic slur that they do not deserve.

Feminism is about choice. People just want the freedom to choose whether or not they will conform to traditional expectations of gender and femininity or not. Just because a woman decides that stereotypically feminine expression will work for her, doesn't mean she is inhibiting any other woman from practicing her right to reject the same gender norms.

This super cute patch is by ALB on Etsy. You can get one here instead of buying one of Rousey's "Don't be a DNB" shirts!