Female.. Male.. Non-Binary?

Female.. Male.. Non-Binary?

What does it feel like to not associate with your assigned sex?
634
views

Remember the Toy Story doll that was a baby head missing an eye with a metallic crab-like body that you couldn't keep your eyes off of because it just wasn't right? Imagine waking up every day and looking in the mirror just to feel like that. To feel like you weren't made right and it's just not supposed to be.

Many people feel like this, including YouTube singer, Sade Bolger, from the day puberty hits or even before. Sade experienced an "overwhelming amount of dysphoria" feeling "a lot of discomfort, hate, self consciousness" about his body. He hid his then female body in any way possible until discovering top surgery, the removal of breasts. He discussed this possibility with his parents and they welcome the idea with open arms and began the process.

Though he was extremely anxious, the idea of finally being comfortable in his own body had overcome any negative thoughts very easily. This was a comfort he never thought he'd be able to have; it was what he needed most.

I had the opportunity to Skype with Sade through this process when his whole world was changing for the better. He said that he finally felt normal and had nothing to hide, especially on stage or in front of the camera where he feels most natural. When I had asked him to rate the life change on a scale of one to ten, he did not hesitate to say "infinite". Months after the top surgery, Sade decided it was time to take a leap of faith by starting testosterone, which was concerning due to his passion for singing; he didn't know how it would affect his voice exactly. Now nine months on T, he's still singing and playing his instruments, but has also found a newborn passion.

Taking on the role of a model in the LGBTQ+ community, Sade has made some vlogs and films about the transition, gender, sexuality, etc. Sade says that this is his chance to not only teach people about the LGBTQ+ community, but also to help inspire others to be themselves and take all necessary steps to become comfortable in their own skin. In our interview, his main message to all was, "Be yourself; openly, happily, contently, and completely unapologetically. Don't feel bad for being gay or trans. Don't feel like you have to hide it. Don't feel scared. Know that there are millions of people in the world that are just exactly like you."

Sade wants this message to reach those in need, those in the closet, those who weren't accepted for who they are, and he wants to make a difference in their lives. Furthering his career in music, he is studying music education and social justice pathways at the University of Vermont. After seeing a plethora of positive comments on his videos saying that his voice made everything seem okay, Sade said his main goal is to create therapeutic effects with his music for anyone that will listen, whether they support his decision to transition or not.

Listen to his story here, or on his YouTube channel, https://www.youtube.com/user/sadiebolja/videos.

Cover Image Credit: Wikimedia Commons

Popular Right Now

To The Girls I Wasn't Good Enough For Because I'm Transgender

A thank you to those I wasn't enough for, because I'm transgender.

13675
views

I didn't realize it at the time, but I was breaking my back for women and for relationships that were nothing but toxic.

I tried so hard to prove I was enough; man enough, worthy enough, and deserving of your love. To the girls who made me feel as if I wasn't enough because I'm a transman, thank you. No, this is not me being sarcastic or trying to "throw shade." I'm not "spilling any tea."

Maybe I've been listening to too much Ariana Grande, but this is a sincere thank you.

In the beginning, it wasn't always as clear as you blatantly saying "no one will love you for what you are" like you did at the end, you had your own special ways of making me feel little and inadequate. You kept me a secret because you didn't want to be called a "lesbian" or have people question your sexuality.

Your image was more important than me and my feelings.

You took a backseat and jokingly agreed whenever anyone would tell you to "get a real man." Your slick comments about being artificial and lacking a certain appendage cut much deeper than you could have ever imagined. Intimate contact from you was forced and I could see the slightly disgusted look on your face whenever it happened.

Your constant comparing me to your ex-lovers and even men you might take a future interest in because they "didn't require surgery or hormones to be men" broke me down lower than the dirt beneath your shoe. You knew it, and I believe you enjoyed it. I was never a priority and I was never your first choice, hell, I wasn't even your third or fourth choice.

You just liked knowing you had your power over me.

You did whatever it took to keep me wrapped around your finger, feeding me just enough to keep me coming back just to rip the rug from under me.

I took such pride in being transgender before you came along and ripped that right apart. I spent too much of my time questioning myself. Why wasn't I good enough? What could I do to become good enough? How could I change myself to be better for you?

Would you love me if I wasn't Trans? Would I be good enough then?

I was beginning to hate myself again and question the choices I made to become my authentic self. I would look upon myself and my body with shame. What a sick and twisted way of thinking. These thoughts ate away at me for the entirety of my relationships.

That's not love. That's toxicity.

It is because of you and your manipulation that I hit an all-time low, my absolute rock bottom, but there's only one way to go from such a low, and that is up.

It is because of you and our failed relationships that I am a better person than I was when I knew you. Our relationships weren't always bad, I'll give you that, but they certainly got there in time. I shared a few very special and incredible moments with some of my exes that I'll carry with me for life. I'm not being cocky when I say they weren't the best for me, but I believe I was the best for them.

Out of everyone, I had the most to offer. I did the most for them, I put them before me.

I loved them (or thought I did) despite destroying me with every cruel and degrading word that left their mouths. They took for granted and lost someone who would've moved mountains for a simple smile.

Regardless of how our stories ended, I will always want the best for them, silently cheering them on from the sidelines.

I hope they got what they wanted. I hope they never find themselves in a relationship with someone who treats them as they treated me. I hope no one belittles them, ignores them, or makes them fight so hard for their love or attention. No one in the world deserves to be treated that way.

At this point in my life, I can honestly say I'm more confident and sure of myself than I have ever been.

And it's because of you, thank you.

Thank you for telling me and making me feel like I wasn't enough because now I know it's not that I wasn't enough, maybe I was too much, but you're never too much for someone who can't get enough of you. Thank you for breaking me down because in those days is where I did the most self-reflection. I will never question myself again. I will never apologize or make an excuse for being who I am.

Thank you for leaving me completely alone, because I was able to grow and be stable on my own two feet, without you. I learned to find the positivity again that you stole from me. I learned to love myself again, by myself, making damn sure this time it wouldn't falter again for anyone. I learned I didn't need to beg for another chance from you, but to instead give that chance to myself.

By giving myself that chance I am thriving and living as the happiest I've ever been. Thank you for kicking me down so low, because I've rebuilt myself back better than I ever thought possible.

Thank you for being so bad for me, because I can now appreciate how special my current relationship is. I'm so lucky to have finally found someone who never lets me question or doubt myself for a split second.

I'm with someone who doesn't cringe when she sees my chest scars, someone who wants to learn how to give me my testosterone shot, and who showers me with reassurance every single day. I'm so grateful to have found someone who makes me forget all about being transgender, who wants to learn my body and how to love it alongside with me. What a beautiful turn of events it's been.

I take all that I've learned from you and I've flipped it so that I am able to give my all to someone who finally deserves it.

Thank you.

Related Content

Connect with a generation
of new voices.

We are students, thinkers, influencers, and communities sharing our ideas with the world. Join our platform to create and discover content that actually matters to you.

Learn more Start Creating

Seeing Pregnancy Announcements Makes Me Feel Guilty I Can't Give That To A Future Girlfriend

How seeing the hundreds of pregnancy announcements makes me feel as a trans man.

5458
views

It seems like whenever you log onto any social media platform whatsoever these days, there's always another new pregnancy announcement. I could literally list at least ten people I know right now that are expecting. Don't get me wrong, I am absolutely ecstatic for each and every one of them, the joy and excitement that spews out of them makes my heart so happy. As a transman, I know I see pregnancy in a different light than everyone else.

Up until recently, I've always been the poster child for never having kids. Being a parent to anything other than something with fur and 4 paws was totally out of the question. I swore up and down I would never have kids. I didn't even entertain the idea, never gave it a second thought. I always told my mom not to be disappointed, but to never expect to be a grandmother. The only types of babies or kids I liked were the kind I could give back to their parents when they started acting up. I was okay with just being the "fun uncle" to my close friend's children when that time came.

As a transman, having my own children, of course, was completely out of the question. I didn't want to get myself excited over something I knew I could never have myself. I know there are plenty of other ways to have a child and there are way too many children in foster homes that should be adopted, but I felt like it wouldn't be the same; I feared that if I wasn't their biological father then they would never see me as their "real dad." Not to mention, no other dad in the world will have to sit their child down one day when they become of age and explain to them that their dad was actually born a woman. No other dad in the world will have to fear that rejection from their child. God forbid if my child's peers found out their dad was actually transgender and mistreated or bullied them because of that. These are the thoughts that scared me out of the idea of being a parent. These are the reasons why I never entertained the idea of being a father to anything other than a dog.

This all changed when I met my girlfriend, which is ironic because she swore she'd never want children either. Prior to her, I never envisioned myself having my own family until she came around. When I look at her my heart is so overwhelmed with pure and unconditional love to the point where I want more of her in the world. I'm not trying to be cocky, but I think I'm pretty damn great. I also think she is extremely great, phenomenal, out of this world. So, a little person that's half me, half her? Sold, I'm in. You're welcome, world. Raising a child with my best friend would be the most fun adventure that I could ever imagine. There's no doubt in my mind that she'll make the most incredible mother.

However, I'll always feel extremely guilty that I can't give her what literally any other man in the world could so easily; a biological child. Even after I get my bottom surgery, I will never be able to produce sperm, therefore, I will never be able to have my own biological child. That's such a huge sacrifice I'm asking her to make by having to take a nontraditional route to motherhood. That's such a huge obstacle we need to tackle together as a team. If she were with anyone else, she wouldn't have all of these hoops to jump through, it could be so easy and so natural if I wasn't born in this opposing body, this cage I'm trapped in. It eats me alive every single time I think about it.

Then I snap out of all that nonsense, apologetic talk. When I have a child, I'll go through all this extra work to have her because that's how badly I'll want it. Anything worth having certainly won't be easy. Where there's a will, there's a way. No matter how I have a child, I'll still have her and that's all that will matter to me. When the time is right, it'll happen. I never in my wildest dreams would've imagined I'd say it, but I can't wait to be a dad.

Related Content

Facebook Comments