Female.. Male.. Non-Binary?

Female.. Male.. Non-Binary?

What does it feel like to not associate with your assigned sex?
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Remember the Toy Story doll that was a baby head missing an eye with a metallic crab-like body that you couldn't keep your eyes off of because it just wasn't right? Imagine waking up every day and looking in the mirror just to feel like that. To feel like you weren't made right and it's just not supposed to be.

Many people feel like this, including YouTube singer, Sade Bolger, from the day puberty hits or even before. Sade experienced an "overwhelming amount of dysphoria" feeling "a lot of discomfort, hate, self consciousness" about his body. He hid his then female body in any way possible until discovering top surgery, the removal of breasts. He discussed this possibility with his parents and they welcome the idea with open arms and began the process.

Though he was extremely anxious, the idea of finally being comfortable in his own body had overcome any negative thoughts very easily. This was a comfort he never thought he'd be able to have; it was what he needed most.

I had the opportunity to Skype with Sade through this process when his whole world was changing for the better. He said that he finally felt normal and had nothing to hide, especially on stage or in front of the camera where he feels most natural. When I had asked him to rate the life change on a scale of one to ten, he did not hesitate to say "infinite". Months after the top surgery, Sade decided it was time to take a leap of faith by starting testosterone, which was concerning due to his passion for singing; he didn't know how it would affect his voice exactly. Now nine months on T, he's still singing and playing his instruments, but has also found a newborn passion.

Taking on the role of a model in the LGBTQ+ community, Sade has made some vlogs and films about the transition, gender, sexuality, etc. Sade says that this is his chance to not only teach people about the LGBTQ+ community, but also to help inspire others to be themselves and take all necessary steps to become comfortable in their own skin. In our interview, his main message to all was, "Be yourself; openly, happily, contently, and completely unapologetically. Don't feel bad for being gay or trans. Don't feel like you have to hide it. Don't feel scared. Know that there are millions of people in the world that are just exactly like you."

Sade wants this message to reach those in need, those in the closet, those who weren't accepted for who they are, and he wants to make a difference in their lives. Furthering his career in music, he is studying music education and social justice pathways at the University of Vermont. After seeing a plethora of positive comments on his videos saying that his voice made everything seem okay, Sade said his main goal is to create therapeutic effects with his music for anyone that will listen, whether they support his decision to transition or not.

Listen to his story here, or on his YouTube channel, https://www.youtube.com/user/sadiebolja/videos.

Cover Image Credit: Wikimedia Commons

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20 Things That Happen When A Jersey Person Leaves Jersey

Hoagies, pizza, and bagels will never be the same.
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Ah, the "armpit of America." Whether you traveled far for college, moved away, or even just went on vacation--you know these things to be true about leaving New Jersey. It turns out to be quite a unique state, and leaving will definitely take some lifestyle adjustment.

1. You discover an accent you swore you never had.

Suddenly, people start calling you out on your pronunciation of "cawfee," "wooter," "begel," and a lot more words you totally thought you were saying normal.

2. Pork Roll will never exist again.

Say goodbye to the beautiful luxury that is pork roll, egg, and cheese on a bagel. In fact, say goodbye to high-quality breakfast sandwiches completely.

3. Dealing with people who use Papa Johns, Pizza Hut, or Dominos as their go-to pizza.

It's weird learning that a lot of the country considers chain pizza to be good pizza. You're forever wishing you could expose them to a real, local, family-style, Italian-owned pizza shop. It's also a super hard adjustment to not have a pizza place on every single block anymore.

4. You probably encounter people that are genuinely friendly.

Sure Jersey contains its fair share of friendly people, but as a whole, it's a huge difference from somewhere like the South. People will honestly, genuinely smile and converse with strangers, and it takes some time to not find it sketchy.

5. People drive way slower and calmer.

You start to become embarrassed by the road rage that has been implanted in your soul. You'll get cut off, flipped off, and honked at way less. In fact, no one even honks, almost ever.

6. You realize that not everyone lives an hour from the shore.

Being able to wake up and text your friends for a quick beach trip on your day off is a thing of the past. No one should have to live this way.

7. You almost speak a different language.

The lingo and slang used in the Jersey area is... unique. It's totally normal until you leave, but then you find yourself receiving funny looks for your jargon and way fewer people relating to your humor. People don't say "jawn" in place of every noun.

8. Hoagies are never the same.

Or as others would say, "subs." There is nothing even close in comparison.

9. Needing Wawa more than life, and there's no one to relate.

When you complain to your friends about missing Wawa, they have no reaction. Their only response is to ask what it is, but there's no rightful explanation that can capture why it is so much better than just some convenient store.

10. You have to learn to pump gas. Eventually.

After a long period of avoidance and reluctance, I can now pump gas. The days of pulling up, rolling down your window, handing over your card and yelling "Fill it up regular please!" are over. When it's raining or cold, you miss this the most.

11. Your average pace of walking is suddenly very above-average.

Your friends will complain that you're walking too fast - when in reality - that was probably your slow-paced walk. Getting stuck behind painfully slow people is your utmost inconvenience.

12. You're asked about "Jersey Shore" way too often.

No, I don't know Snooki. No, our whole state and shore is not actually like that. We have 130 miles of some of the best beach towns in the country.

13. You can't casually mention NYC without people idealizing some magical, beautiful city.

Someone who has never been there has way too perfect an image of it. The place is quite average and dirty. Don't get me wrong, I love a good NYC day trip as much as the next person, but that's all it is to you... a day trip.

14. The lack of swearing is almost uncomfortable.

Jerseyans are known for their foul mouths, and going somewhere that isn't as aggressive as us is quite a culture adjustment.

15. No more jughandles.

No longer do you have to get in the far right lane to make a left turn.

16. You realize that other states are not nearly as extreme about their North/South division.

We literally consider them two different states. There are constant arguments and debates about it. The only thing that North and South Jersey can agree on is that a "Central Jersey" does not exist.

17. Most places also are not in a war over meat.

"Pork roll" or "taylor ham"... The most famous debate amongst North and South Jersey. It's quite a stupid argument, however, considering it is definitely pork roll.

18. You realize you were spoiled with fresh produce.

After all, it's called the "Garden State" for a reason. Your mouth may water just by thinking about some fresh Jersey corn.

19. You'll regret taking advantage of your proximity to everything.

Super short ride to the beach and a super short ride to Philly or NYC. Why was I ever bored?

20. Lastly, you realize how much pride you actually have in the "armpit of America," even if you claimed to dislike it before.

After all, there aren't many places with quite as much pride. You find yourself defending your state at all necessary moments, even if you never thought that would be the case.

Cover Image Credit: Travel Channel

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What It Means To Be Nonbinary, From 5 People For Whom It Is A Reality

The future isn't binary.

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Until college, I had never met anyone who did not identify with the gender they were given at birth. When I met my first friend who was nonbinary, I had a lot of questions.

Not wanting to be disrespectful, I kept a lot of them to myself, but after reflection, I realized that I would rather ask questions and be informed in order to respect my friends.

Recently, when the topic of being nonbinary has come up in conversation, I realized that a lot of people I know ignore it because they are confused by it. I find that completely ignorant. There is no excuse not to respect how your fellow humans identify.

I decided to write this article to spread awareness and help people understand what it means to be nonbinary. I am not nonbinary myself, but I have many friends who identify as nonbinary. It is not a phase or a trend, and they are real people.

When you google "nonbinary," this is what comes up:

Everyone expresses gender differently, so that is why I decided to interview a few of my friends in order to get a full understanding. Gender, just like sexuality, has no right or wrong answer. It is a spectrum.

A few of my friends have taken new names, which means that the name that was assigned to them at birth is now their "dead" name.

(Some of the interviewees are not publicly out, so I am writing under a fake name for them!)**

I hope this has given you a better understanding of what nonbinary is. Just remember to be kind and respectful of one another.

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