It’s been a rocky relationship with my hair. I am African American so my hair is naturally curly, and I fall at a type 4c. This hair type is collier than curly but still curls, just very very tight curls. It first started with figuring out that I hated my hair and why I hated it, and eventually coming to terms with it to accepting my hair, and finally falling in love with my hair.
Why I hated it is better explained from when I started to hate it. I remember being around 7 or 8 years old and I feel like it was a Friday, because it was free swim at the YMCA and a lot of my friends were going to be there. My favorite movie is The Little Mermaid, and one of my favorite thing about Ariel was her hair. The way it so freely flowed in the water and when above land draped so perfectly over her shoulders. So when I saw all the other girls in the pool with their hair over their shoulders, I decided that I would ditch my swimming cap and so I can finally let my hair drape to. I felt it; under the water I felt it flow and I felt beautiful. This lasted up until after I got out of the pool. I was a bit confused on why my hair was no longer draping, and then I saw it. It looked like one of those cartoon characters that do something silly and get themselves electrified, and then their hair goes wild. I think it was the first time I’d ever seen my hair like this. It wasn’t flowy, or at least wavy, and nowhere close to draping over my shoulders. I needed to fix it, and soon, so when my mother took me to get my first relaxer, I was more than open to it. Although, it wasn't as straight as I would have liked but it was enough to keep me satisfied.
Around my 5th and 6th grade years of school, I started getting less relaxers and so to avoid having to deal with my natural hair I started to wear braids using synthetic hair. I became very dependent on them. They gave me the length that I've always wanted, as well as the movement that I thought I needed. I was embarrassed whenever I had to go without them. I feared the whispers and comments that would come about my wild, rebellious, “nappy” hair. I felt ugly, especially when people would tell me to get a relaxer again and I’d look better. I started to straighten my hair every day in order to try to keep it under control. This ruined my hair, and when I finally got my next relaxer I had to cut most of it off, but my peers seemed very satisfied with me finally conforming to the norm.
When I started to accept it was after I had fell off of relaxers and became fully dependent on hair extensions. Whenever it was time to get a refresher, I hid from the world over the weekend, so no one would see the way my hair really looked. If I ever did wear my hair out, I’d get it straightened. What started to push me towards going natural was my older sister. She’d done the big chop after her freshman year of college, and had been rocking the afro. I just never understood how she did it; I didn’t think it was even a possibility. I would have had no idea how do it, fix it up, or style it. In the end, that’s what kept me from really making that complete transition, as well as the fear of being unattractive.
I didn’t willingly start wearing my natural hair; I had little to no choice. I was at the end of my rope with my last sew in, and getting new braids wouldn’t be happening anytime soon. My sister had come home from college for a couple days and she offered to twist my hair. I felt the reluctance surge inside of me, but I took a deep breath and decided that it was just time. My mom helped and it didn’t look bad at all; in fact, when I went to school the next day, I got a lot of positive feedback. A few jokey comments about being afro-centric, or getting in touch with my African heritage, but mostly good reviews.
I believe I fell in love with my hair the more I started to work with it. I really improved with twisting my hair, and I got complimented on it a lot. Even from strangers! I learned to not only work with twisting but also with my hair in afro form. I used to think there was nothing that I could do with my hair, or at least nothing that I could do myself, and I was happy to find that I was wrong. I started to get inspired by other people that I saw, researched hairstyle tutorials, and eventually found my own style. Usually I stick to twists, because they’re the easiest for me to style the way I want it and, it minimizes having to try to work with it every morning. Although I love, love, LOVE my afro, but for me it’s just hard to find time every day to get it to shape the way I like it.
From time to time I still put in extensions for special occasions, or if I’m feeling a specific style, and once every year I like to straighten and length check it. Unfortunately, when I do use hair extensions for different styles I still struggle with feeling beautiful when it’s time to go back to natural hair. It’s just this internal fear of not being as pretty with my natural hair as I am when I have flowing long hair down my back. To combat this feeling, I just try to remember that I’m beautiful no matter what my hair looks like. Overall, I love my curls! I love my 4c curls, and if you have curls of any type, I hope you love them or learn to love them just as much as I love mine.
