Lately, I've found myself being more tired than usual.

Now, I don't mean tired as in that I didn't sleep well the night before. I mean I'm "tired" in the sense that I am both mentally and emotionally exhausted. Waking up and getting out bed in the morning is a struggle for me and doing my daily routine is as strenuous as doing a basic spin class. Going out? forget about it! DoorDash and UberEats have become my best friends and I am so grateful that they always come through with those McDonald's deliveries. With that being said, I'm pretty sure my local McDonald's is pretty familiar with my usual order.

But, sometimes, this has a negative effect on my relationships. Mainly, my friendships.

My friends are always asking me to hang out and I'm faced with a conflict: go out and lay there like an exhausted slug or say "no" and feel guilty about it. As much as I love my friends, It's just so difficult to drag my festering carcass out with them. I can feel myself draining of all energy as the night goes on, my body desperate to get home and go to bed. I don't know if this is apart of becoming a full-fledged adult and having more responsibilities but I have something to say about it: I hate it.

I hate that I am always tired and not willing to hang out with people. I hate that I always have to plan my hangouts far in advance so I can emotionally prepare myself. It's not the kind of life I imagined for myself while I was in my 20s, and I'm sure other people feel the same way. I think it comes from the fact that we prioritize "grinding" instead of actually having time for ourselves and our friends. We overwork ourselves to the point of mental exhaustion just so we can get one more step ahead in life. It's so unhealthy and unnecessary, it's basically breeding intense depression and anxiety in young adults these days.

So, what I'd like to say is this: please, don't be upset with me if I refuse to hang out. I need time for myself and time to recharge after I've been put through the wringer at work. I promise I'll answer back if you text but I won't reply right away. I will always love my friends and care for them, but sometimes I have to put my needs and my sanity first.

And there is nothing selfish about that.