This is attributed to each and everyone suffering in silence. It is truly okay, not to be okay sometimes. Just now, I am figuring that out. I am not okay and I do need help- but that is perfectly OK. September, is Mental Health Awareness month and this is dedicated to all of you crying and dying on the inside but still somewhat surviving on the out.
Everything was tired by now and nothing had worked- to this day. Each day I rise awake, an I am completely lost. I tried not to fall behind and I tried my best to be a good daughter- a good human, overall.
I am numb and empty- really hollow, just walking the Earth and living day-to-day- on autopilot. Never knowing how to speak, when to stop, where to go, or even what to do- makes me sick to my stomach.
Sitting and watching up; from the bottom of my hollow, living carcass- I looked up into the enclosed body- hearing nothing but a heartbeat. The same heartbeat I prayed to - to stop, in order to end the lingering numbness.
Feeling nothing but everything at once, or feeling nothing at all; I aimlessly gave up. Putting a facade- I gave up on nothing, but the life I have been living to this day, itself. It wasn't grey and it wasn't colorful- it was black and white- life and death.
I got lost in the middle. Not a single person knows where I have gone to- and I haven't been the same in years.
I sit here- for years and I am still sitting here screaming into a cage of ribs attached to muscle, that is attached to bones and more muscles and tendons and ligaments and so on, and so forth.
Do you get it?
Boxing me in and cutting short the last few breaths of air that I had, I continued to hold onto each feeling I had. despite what it was- I savored it because I never knew how long it would be until I would feel something again. Whether it's chaos or happiness or even, anger or confusion- I don't care I'm begging you right now, God, to please give me something to feel. It is the fact that I physically can't control my own body, be who I want, or even speak my own voice-which drowns me, today. Building up each emotion- I have no clue what to do- I wasn't ready and I am not strong enough to get back up. I am lost now and I am confused so help me God, I don't know what to do.
Shit, the flowing river of tears is now coming into my hollow cave I exist in ( barely surviving).
They're drowning me. I'm dead and I'm gone.
Suffocating the last breath I had- and seemingly, nobody heard me screaming.
Now, I'm dead and now, I'm gone and now you're listening?
