If you're like me and have ever experienced the trauma of not being able to fit into those old jeans or been in a store and thought, "that would never look good on me", or compared yourselves to others on Instagram; you've probably also experienced the idea of 'I would look good if.' 'I would look good if' is usually followed by phrases such as, "I was two dress sizes smaller," "I lost a couple pounds," etc.

I believe most people; especially young women experience these thoughts. This isn't surprising given the rise of the supermodel and social media, with images of the 'perfect body ideal' inundating our everyday lives. The idea that we have to look a certain way to feel good about ourselves is continually advertised through the promotion of slim teas, diet plans, exercise DVDs, health plans created by Instagram models that actually have no training or qualifications to corroborate how they got their 'summer body' so quickly.

So, if you are someone that has decided to lose weight in the new year, or embark on a health kick- that's great! There's nothing wrong with wanting to be fitter and healthier. But, if your motivations are to modify yourself so you fit societies idea of 'beauty' let me tell you; looking a certain way does not bring body confidence.

I've always been self-conscious of my weight. I was not overweight, in fact, people wouldn't look at me and think I needed to lose weight. I was a US size six, I had fat on my stomach and inner thighs, I was self-conscious of all areas of my body, I continuously compared myself to others and wasn't happy with my appearance. The defining moment of thinking 'enough is enough' is when I came out of the shower one day and looked at my thighs and saw cellulite. It was the same cellulite I had always saw but for some reason, it made me extremely unhappy, I played with the fat on my thighs for a little while and decided that I didn't want my body to look like this anymore.

Fast forward to three months of healthy eating and workout DVDs and my body had completely transformed, I was now a size zero, I could wear whatever I wanted, people started noticing me on social media, when I went on nights out I would get attention from boys and people I went to school with congratulating me on how well I had done.

I was a success story.

However, what nobody tells you about the weight loss; if you don't learn to love your body it doesn't matter how much your body changes, you will never be happy with it.

I actually ended up developing an obsession with fitness, my body shrank so much that you saw my ribs, my spine, I had no energy, I was continuously ill. Nobody saw this, because all anyone could see was how much weight I had lost. People still complimented me or admired me, I was "thin-spiration," but I wasn't happy. Most of my clothes now didn't fit because I was so slim, I looked gaunt but all I could see was the area of my stomach that wasn't flat. I had a gap between my thighs but I now was unhappy with how flat my bum was or my lack of muscle. My breasts were so small I was almost flat chested, making me more self-conscious. My shoulders are not 'broad' but given how tiny the rest of my body was they appeared huge and out of place.

I saw Instagram models that were thin but curvy, I wanted to be like them. I started working out with weights and gradually ate more and gained weight, I started developing muscle but was also gaining fat. I sat and stared at the area of my stomach that enlarged. I wasn't happy because I didn't have a flat stomach anymore although I had a great bum, muscles on my legs and arms, my shoulders were now in proportion and I had hips again! But I still wasn't happy.

My point is; holding yourself to a specific appearance, weight, dress size or any measurement will not bring happiness. Appearance is considered so important in society, however, societies' expectations are continually changing, what is beautiful one day may not be beautiful in a few months. For example, remember in old 90s movies or early 2000s when the female character would ask, "does my butt look big in this?" and the automatic response was "NO" because being curvy and not thin was seen as undesirable. These days, people want a big bum, they want curves. Adhering to societies' ever-changing standards is like trying to get blood from a stone; it's exhausting and nothing really comes from it.

I wish I could offer you some happy ending of how I learned to love my body and feel fully confident in myself that the world is one huge bed of roses. Alas, it is not, I am human, and I'm still working on it but I'm learning and I am happier in myself that I have ever been I'm just not over the picking flaws phase. I still grab the fat on my stomach and stare at other women in the gym wishing I had their body.

I'm still learning that everybody is different and that some of us aren't meant to be a size zero, some of us aren't built to have a massive ass that even the Kardashians would envy, we're all individuals and I truly believe that learning to love yourself and your body for what it is, is the only way to be truly happy with yourself, rather than a diet plan.