Death is a thing. It's a natural cycle ever-present in our lives, directly or indirectly. You hear the word death all over the news, through social media, etc. Suicide attempts, car accidents, murders, and simply just being in the wrong place at the wrong time.

But to think that this could happen to a loved one? That they could be gone the next day or overnight? Thinking about this fills me with absolute dread and overwhelming anxiety. And it's not even like I fear my own death, I completely understand that death is a natural thing in life that will happen to all of us. But, the notion that someone could just leave you behind and be gone in a split second? Yeah, I can't name a more scary thought.

If you haven't figured it out already, Thanatophobia is the intense fear/phobia of death, whether it's their own or of loved ones. To some, this is an extremely crippling condition, to the point that it inhibits them from taking risks, participating in dangerous behavior and being overly cautious of everything. For me, it's not that extreme. But it is present to the point that it does inhibit some of my actions and has me make split decisions that I would otherwise not make.

So, let's say my mom wants to go the store and asks if anyone wants to come. I initially say no, (because come on it's summer and it's hot) but as I start thinking about it multiple thoughts come to mind. What if there's a shooter in the store (and sorry if this is triggering for some), someone decides to stab her and run, or even she ends up in a car crash.

Another situation: I'm laying in bed, finally off my phone and close my eyes...okay, but wait what if I die in my sleep? Just stop breathing and never wake up? Just that thought and I'm awake for a couple more hours until I'm too tired to keep my eyes open.

Or (and if you have any pets, you may be able to relate) what if my dog gets sick? Has some sort of respiratory problem that I won't know about until it's too late? And, I don't know, maybe this hits a bit closer to home with me since my dogs are still puppies and I'll be leaving in a couple weeks for school. Leaving them breaks my heart. But losing them? I don't know how I would handle it.

Death is something that will happen, it's just something I just can't wrap my head around. Maybe it's because I'm overly anxious and constantly overthinking things, or that I have some fear of the unknown. Or maybe it's me questioning my beliefs and scared that what's awaiting us after death is nothing. Or even just not wanting to be left behind.

Whatever it is, it's something that I need to overcome and understand the reason as to why I have these thoughts. Because even though my case is not an extreme case of Thanatophobia, these thoughts are always present and inhibit me from really enjoying my life.