Start writing a post
Politics and Activism


I keep a lot of promises to people that are just a distant memory, hoping that, maybe, one day they'll remember the girl with the sparkle in her eye who promised forever.


I didn't think I knew what I wanted to write about, this week, until I began staring at my keyboard and watching the thoughts in my head form words, connecting the keys with invisible lines; do you ever do that?
Or do you ever look at those cross words on Facebook and they claim the first three words you see are the three words that will describe how your 2017 will be for you. It's silly, but it makes you wonder, and you begin to think about all of the reasons that your life could fall apart, or if that guy would just text you back, maybe this year could turn around.

I don't know where I was going with that.

The three words that came across my mind were "was," "keep," and "lost." Just words, just three simple words, and if somebody told me that they would determine what my year would be like, I'd find it a little foolish and completely vague, but, like any other person would, I have thought about what these words mean to me. Why are they so important to me?


I was once a lot of things. I was a little girl, I was naive, I was a weird kid, kind of an outcast, and completely unaware of the world around me. I was also a girl full of light and magic. I saw no evil in the world, in people I passed by; I once told a homeless man in New York City that his kitten was beautiful, without a second thought of what he would say or do (of course I was scolded, afterward). I was a girl who put everyone before herself. I'd buy a friend or a boy I was with food before myself, even if I was starving. I was something...

I think I was the sunshine a lot of people needed to help blossom.

People change, including myself. The people I would break my back for don't think much of me, and I'm not even sure what their favorite foods to order are, anymore. I think the magic is gone. The reality of adulthood has finally settled into my bones, and the weight of the world has turned the stardust into...dust.


This one is interesting. I tend to keep a lot of things. I keep a lot of emotions, thoughts, and needs bottled up inside, when I was once the girl who would pour her heart out to anyone, expecting that anyone would clean up the mess I made, as I would do for them. I keep a lot of people close to my heart that I have been proven to time and time again do not reciprocate. I keep a lot of promises to people that are just a distant memory, hoping that, maybe, one day they'll remember the girl with the sparkle in her eye who promised forever.

I don't know.

There's a lot of things that I keep. My brain is a hoarder of all of the memories I have collected. I can't seem to find a scrapbook worthy to store my thoughts into, so instead it's a mess all over the floor, and I try to concentrate, but I'll keep drifting back to the day on that bridge when we threw those keys into the river...

I keep a lot of things.

(they're not there anymore).


I think we all feel a little lost. I used to think I had it all figured out when I was sixteen and carefree. I knew exactly what I was going to do with my life, where I would go to school, where I wanted to live, and the amount of children I was going to have. It's so funny how this all changes once that high school diploma is handed to you and those steps out the door are your first steps into reality.

I began to feel lost when I let the opinions of those around me persuade me into changing my major. I felt lost when I ran away to college three hours away to escape the chaos that was going on in my home. I felt lost when I lost a loved one whose spirit, I swear, is made of the same as mine. I think the past two years have been a jumbled mess. A map of a girl walking in circles, and pulling her hair, and crying all night long, and asking God, "when is it going to get better?"

All I've ever been is the girl with magic in her eyes that buys people food

even when she's hungry.

Lost. I've felt that way for a very long time.

But the girl who is sunshine when others need to blossom, will continue to radiate. She will reach out and touch even the saddest, most wilted dandelions.

Because even though I'm lost, and I keep the pain of decades bottled up inside, the girl I was does not have to stay in the past.

Here's to 2017.

Report this Content
This article has not been reviewed by Odyssey HQ and solely reflects the ideas and opinions of the creator.

21 Drinks For Your 21st Birthday

Maybe don't try them all in one day...

21 Drinks For Your 21st Birthday

My 21st birthday is finally almost here. In honor of finally turning 21, I thought I'd share 21 fun drinks since it's finally legal for me to drink them.

Some of these drinks are basic, but some of them are a little more interesting. I thought they all looked pretty good and worth trying, so choose your favorites to enjoy at your big birthday bash!

Keep Reading...Show less

Ancient Roman Kings: 7 Leaders of Early Rome

The names and dates of the reigns of the first four kings, as well as the alternation of Sabin and Latin names, are more legendary than historical. The last three kings, of Etruscan origin, have an existence which seems less uncertain.

inside ancient roman building
Photo by Chad Greiter on Unsplash

It is evident that all this is only a legend although archeology shows us little by little that these kings if they did not exist as the ancient history, describes them, have at least in the very Outlines were real as chief of a shepherd’s tribe. The period when kings ruled Rome could estimate at 245 years.

Keep Reading...Show less
Student Life

Love Lost

Being the girl that is falling for the boy is never easy.

Love Lost

You constantly text my phone telling me that you want to see me and hang out, even though we may not have sex we cuddle and that’s intimacy in its own. I’m tired of buying you food and being there for you like a girlfriend when you consistently tell me you aren't ready for a girlfriend. I am constantly feeling I’m getting slapped in the face because I’m doing all these things and getting nothing in return. Every day I feel myself liking you more which is just crazy because why would I even waste my time liking someone there isn’t a future with. I just want you to be honest with me and with yourself, tell me how you feel from your heart, stop just saying you aren’t ready. You are wasting time telling me you aren’t ready because while you are “getting ready” some guy somewhere else is telling me that he likes me and thinks I’m beautiful and wants to date me. I’m not asking for much, but I at least want exclusivity because you ask me for all these things but in return you give me nothing.

Keep Reading...Show less
Pretty Little Liars

From reading the books in eighth grade to watching the television show all throughout high school, "Pretty Little Liars"basically defined my teenage existence. I was completely and totally obsessed on all accounts. However, even though I loved the fact that the books and the show are starkly different, there are simply just some ways in which the books are much better. Let's take a look:

Keep Reading...Show less
Student Life

To The Girl In The Back Row

I just want you to know you are loved. You are loved so very much.

To The Girl In The Back Row

Recently I was blessed to be a counselor at a wonderful camp, secluded in a cornfield somewhere in Virginia. I consider myself to be a seasoned camp counselor, as I have not only been a camper for most of my life but have been privileged enough to work multiple camps with all kinds of different facilities. I have worked camps with multi-thousand dollar facilities, with zip lines, rock walls, ropes courses, and boats. I have worked at camps with amazing water sports, camps with paintball, camps with canoes and paddle boats and floating blobs or trampolines in the middle of the water. I have worked at camps with in ground pools and camps without any pools, and even some camps with go-karts. I've had problem kids, kids who refuse to listen to anything I say, kids who sneak out after lights out to meet a significant other, and kids who are every camp counselors dream.

Keep Reading...Show less

Subscribe to Our Newsletter

Facebook Comments