Lots of people, like Mark Zuckerberg, cover their webcams with tape, and with good reason. People can spy on you through your webcam without you knowing.
Recently, Twitter has been ablaze with people talking about the FBI agents that hypothetically live in our webcams and watch everything we do, and I have so many questions.
1. Am the most boring person you watch?
I mean seriously, a solid 50% of what you probably see me do is dance to the theme song from "The Office" and eat Takis without pants on.
2. Who's the most interesting person you watch?
I hope it's someone cool because then that makes me cool by association, right?
3. Who gets to watch Beyonce?
Is there like a lottery for that job? Is she just like eternally flawless and amazing?
4. Are you judging my eating habits?
If you are, take that negativity elsewhere. It's been a long day and I want nuggets.
5. Do you get disappointed when I sit down to work on my paper and get distracted?
Since you read my emails, you know I have a paper due, but you also know that I have 11 tabs open right now, half of which have nothing to do with the history of French satire.
6. Do you cry along with me when I'm watching sad movies?
I'm sure you get sad too sometimes and need to watch a sad movie so you can wallow in your sadness. If I'm watching "A Walk To Remember" and you aren't crying too, you don't have a soul.
7. Do you instinctively say, "bless you" when I sneeze?
I can't hear you, but I appreciate the support.
8. Are you sad when I cover my webcam with tape?
I watched "Snowden" and it kinda freaked me out, but then I sort of forgot about it. Hey, I mean at least I used cute washi tape.
9. When I do cover my webcam, do you still hear me crying?
You might not remember what being a college student is like, but it's totally normal to have at least five mental breakdowns a week.
10. How weird is my browser history?
I was just researching for an article, I swear. How else will the public know where NOT to put cotton candy flavored rainbow glitter?
11. Are you the one who keeps opening my iTunes and playing Hamilton soundtrack?
Don't get me wrong, I love me some Hamilton, but hearing the first 10 seconds like seven times randomly throughout the day is getting pretty old. If you could use those FBI skills to get me Hamilton tickets that would be pretty cool.
12. Would you say I Instagram stalk more or less than the average person?
I know, I know, I know. It's not healthy. But it's three in the morning, I can't sleep, and I just really want to know what's up with my cousin's ex-boyfriend's former roommate's little sister.
13. Who are you?
Do you have a family? Do you have a dog or are you more of a cat person? Do we like the same things? Can we be friends? I mean you probably read my texts so you already have my number, so HMU sometime.
