You know when you’re sitting at home talking to your roommate about how much you love corgis? Or how you’ve been thinking about starting “Scandal” as your next binge show? Or how your favorite kind of cheese is gruyere? And then you have like 50 ads on your various social media accounts for corgis, “Scandal,” and gruyere? Yeah, same.
We all know we have FBI agents living in our phones and computers, but sometimes I forget how personal we must be with them. Here are 11 things I wish my FBI agent didn’t see me do every day.
1. Change my clothes
I don’t really want a stranger seeing me naked, but thanks, FBI.
2. Watch 14 straight hours of Netflix
3. Talk to my cat
I know he can’t talk back, but he’s just such a good listener, OK?
4. Wear the same shirt for multiple days
5. Lie to my professors about why I can’t come to class
6. Dance alone in my room
When things get stressful, I need to dance it out. Sorry if you don’t like my moves, FBI agent.
7. Eat an entire container of guacamole and a whole bag of chips in one sitting
I was too lazy to get up to put them away, so I just… ate them all…
8. Cry at “Grey’s Anatomy”
KILL OFF ONE MORE PERSON, SHONDA. MY FBI AGENT IS JUDGING MY EMOTIONS.
9. Drink copious amounts of alcohol
10. Listen to a song on repeat until I hate it
Sorry if you’re sick of hearing the new Post Malone album, FBI agent. I still can’t get enough.