Do you remember me? I like to think you do, but I never was your priority.
Growing up, I just wanted a normal family. Sure, you were apart of my life over some of the years, but it would've been better of if you hadn't of been.
I always just wanted to be accepted, appreciated, and supported by you. Just once, I wanted to be told that I was doing well. Told just once that you were proud of all I've become and all I'm going to be.
But no, you couldn't do that. Instead, you decided to concentrate on all that I wasn't. You wanted to focus and target all of my weaknesses, breaking me in the process. I can't even remember how many times you told me how pointless my dreams for the future were, how many times you told me how ignorant my plans for my life sounded.
You ingrained into to my head that I was stupid. Irrelevant. Weak. Unimportant. A waste of time. Not worth your love or effort.
Was it worth it? Did you gain something from the negativity and self hatred you forced me to embrace? Did you enjoy making me this way?
You mocked me for feeling sad or hopeless when you were the cause. You made me feel like a failure. For years, I've wondered why. Why did I deserve this? What did I ever do to you?
I have finally reached the point in my life where I can understand how this was truly your loss all along.
You see, in the process of what you thought was breaking me, you only made me stronger. Despite the abuse, I came out of it stronger than ever. Your lack of approval has only driven me harder to following my dreams and making the difference I know I can make.
You may have thought my dreams were "stupid," but I know I can accomplish them without your support.
I don't need you in my life. I never have, I just never realized that I have one amazing parent who easily plays both roles of a mother and the father that you never were.
She has made up for your selfishness by devoting all of her time and energy to bettering a daughter like me.
A daughter like me who has many self doubts and self confidence issues. A daughter like me who was anxiety about her future and depression about feeling hopeless. A daughter like me who is this way all because of you.
I'm not sure why you were given the opportunity to be a dad. Was it chance? Were you just unlucky? These are things I will never know, but I do know this: you have missed out on an opportunity to have a family. You have chose to be alone instead of giving and receiving love and affection. You have chosen yourself over everyone else. I hope these decisions have been worth it, because my goal will always be to be the exact opposite of you.
