My Weight Doesn't Determine My Worth

To The Guy Who Told My Friend That 'He Could Do Better,' My Body Does NOT Determine My Worth

FYI, I'm great in bed.

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I've been overweight my whole life. I don't have any memories of being "normal" size.

Don't blame my parents, they put in my sports and I ate lots of vegetables. For someone reason, I wasn't able to eat like other kids and be "normal."

As the "fat girl" for my whole life, I'm comfortable with that title. In many ways, it is forever ingrained in my identity. I stopped letting comments bother me in middle school.

I love my body, you don't have to.

Last night, my male best friend and I went out to a typical college bar together. Our night was remarkably normal. There was a couple about to have sex in a dancing cage, people that were too drunk bumped into us and we saw many of our friends. Stubby Tuesday is the place to be every week.

We were walking out the door, when this random guy stood up and stopped us. He leaned into and attempted to whisper to my friend.

"You can do better," he said.

Ironically, my friend couldn't hear a word this asshole said, but I could. He tried to tell him almost 5 times. Over and over again he said it. "You can do better."

I tried to explain.

"We're just friends," I said.

This guy looked at me and acted like he didn't know what I was talking about. Like I wasn't even there.

I leaned in and explained to my friend what was happening. We laughed it off and walked away.

Outside of the bar, we talked about what had just happened. We joked about it and "agreed" this random man was definitely interested in taking my guy friend home.

"I feel flattered," he said.

This guy was so concerned that my friend would have sex with a fat girl, that he needed to intervene.

To this man and other people who think this in their heads, here's what you need to know.

1. My weight doesn't determine my value.

Hi. I'm a human. I have feelings. Treat me like someone who deserves respect. I felt like an object to this guy. One that should be replaced. He doesn't have to want to be with me, but don't judge other people's choices.

2. Your actions have repercussions.

Do you read the news? Have you noticed that the things you do affect people? Think before you act. What if the woman you did that to wasn't self-confident? How would you feel if you had caused harm in her life?

3. I'm great in bed.

You'll have to take my word on this one. But you can read about it here.

4. It would be totally appropriate to ask if we're sober enough to have sex.

Just to be clear, please check in with folks about their sobriety when engaging in sex. If you're drunk, you can't have sex. One more level of irony is that I won't have drunk sex. Even if my friend and I were partners, nothing would have happened.

5. Don't tell people who they should be with.

Everyone is into different things and different people. It's not your place to judge those things. Maybe I'm not attracted to your girlfriend, but guess what, that's not my problem.

TLDR - If you don't want to sleep with me or women who look like me, you don't have to.

However, I'm a beautiful human who has value.

To the guy who stopped us: I'm my beautiful than you'll ever be.

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To The Girl Struggling With Her Body Image

It's not about the size of your jeans, but the size of your heart, soul, and spirit.

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To the girl struggling with her body image,

You are more than the number on the scale. You are more than the number on your jeans and dresses. You are way more than the number of pounds you've gained or lost in whatever amount of time.

Weight is defined as the quantity of matter contained by a body or object. Weight does not define your self-worth, ambition or potential.

So many girls strive for validation through the various numbers associated with body image and it's really so sad seeing such beautiful, incredible women become discouraged over a few numbers that don't measure anything of true significance.

Yes, it is important to live a healthy lifestyle. Yes, it is important to take care of yourself. However, taking care of yourself includes your mental health as well. Neglecting either your mental or physical health will inflict problems on the other. It's very easy to get caught up in the idea that you're too heavy or too thin, which results in you possibly mistreating your body in some way.

Your body is your special, beautiful temple. It harbors all of your thoughts, feelings, characteristics, and ideas. Without it, you wouldn't be you. If you so wish to change it in a healthy way, then, by all means, go ahead. With that being said, don't make changes to impress or please someone else. You are the only person who is in charge of your body. No one else has the right to tell you whether or not your body is good enough. If you don't satisfy their standards, then you don't need that sort of negative influence in your life. That sort of manipulation and control is extremely unhealthy in its own regard.

Do not hold back on things you love or want to do because of how you interpret your body. You are enough. You are more than enough. You are more than your exterior. You are your inner being, your spirit. A smile and confidence are the most beautiful things you can wear.

It's not about the size of your jeans. It's about the size of your mind and heart. Embrace your body, observe and adore every curve, bone and stretch mark. Wear what makes you feel happy and comfortable in your own skin. Do your hair and makeup (or don't do either) to your heart's desire. Wear the crop top you've been eyeing up in that store window. Want a bikini body? Put a bikini on your body, simple.

So, as hard as it may seem sometimes, understand that the number on the scale doesn't measure the amount or significance of your contributions to this world. Just because that dress doesn't fit you like you had hoped doesn't mean that you're any less of a person.

Love your body, and your body will love you right back.

Cover Image Credit: Lauren Margliotti

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In Real Life, 'Plus Size' Means A Size 16 And Up, Not Just Women Who Are Size 8's With Big Breasts

The media needs to understand this, and give recognition to actual plus-size women.

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Recently, a British reality dating TV show called "Love Island" introduced that a plus-sized model would be in the season five lineup of contestants. This decision was made after the show was called out for not having enough diversity in its contestants. However, the internet was quick to point out that this "plus-size model" is not an accurate representation of the plus-size community.


@abidickson01 on twitter.com


Anna Vakili, plus-size model and "Love Island "Season 5 Contestant Yahoo UK News

It is so frustrating that the media picks and chooses women that are the "ideal" version of plus sized. In the fashion world, plus-size starts at size 8. EIGHT. In real life, plus-size women are women who are size 16 and up. Plunkett Research, a marketing research company, estimated in 2018 that 68% of women in America wear a size 16 to 18. This is a vast difference to what we are being told by the media. Just because a woman is curvy and has big breasts, does NOT mean that they are plus size. Marketing teams for television shows, magazines, and other forms of media need to realize that the industry's idea of plus size is not proportionate to reality.

I am all for inclusion, but I also recognize that in order for inclusion to actually happen, it needs to be accurate.

"Love Island" is not the only culprit of being unrealistic in woman's sizes, and I don't fully blame them for this choice. I think this is a perfect example of the unrealistic expectations that our society puts on women. When the media tells the world that expectations are vastly different from reality, it causes women to internalize that message and compare themselves to these unrealistic standards.

By bringing the truth to the public, it allows women to know that they should not compare themselves and feel bad about themselves. Everyone is beautiful. Picking and choosing the "ideal" woman or the "ideal" plus-size woman is completely deceitful. We as a society need to do better.

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