To The Guy Who Told My Friend That 'He Could Do Better,' My Body Does NOT Determine My Worth

To The Guy Who Told My Friend That 'He Could Do Better,' My Body Does NOT Determine My Worth

FYI, I'm great in bed.


I've been overweight my whole life. I don't have any memories of being "normal" size.

Don't blame my parents, they put in my sports and I ate lots of vegetables. For someone reason, I wasn't able to eat like other kids and be "normal."

As the "fat girl" for my whole life, I'm comfortable with that title. In many ways, it is forever ingrained in my identity. I stopped letting comments bother me in middle school.

I love my body, you don't have to.

Last night, my male best friend and I went out to a typical college bar together. Our night was remarkably normal. There was a couple about to have sex in a dancing cage, people that were too drunk bumped into us and we saw many of our friends. Stubby Tuesday is the place to be every week.

We were walking out the door, when this random guy stood up and stopped us. He leaned into and attempted to whisper to my friend.

"You can do better," he said.

Ironically, my friend couldn't hear a word this asshole said, but I could. He tried to tell him almost 5 times. Over and over again he said it. "You can do better."

I tried to explain.

"We're just friends," I said.

This guy looked at me and acted like he didn't know what I was talking about. Like I wasn't even there.

I leaned in and explained to my friend what was happening. We laughed it off and walked away.

Outside of the bar, we talked about what had just happened. We joked about it and "agreed" this random man was definitely interested in taking my guy friend home.

"I feel flattered," he said.

This guy was so concerned that my friend would have sex with a fat girl, that he needed to intervene.

To this man and other people who think this in their heads, here's what you need to know.

1. My weight doesn't determine my value.

Hi. I'm a human. I have feelings. Treat me like someone who deserves respect. I felt like an object to this guy. One that should be replaced. He doesn't have to want to be with me, but don't judge other people's choices.

2. Your actions have repercussions.

Do you read the news? Have you noticed that the things you do affect people? Think before you act. What if the woman you did that to wasn't self-confident? How would you feel if you had caused harm in her life?

3. I'm great in bed.

You'll have to take my word on this one. But you can read about it here.

4. It would be totally appropriate to ask if we're sober enough to have sex.

Just to be clear, please check in with folks about their sobriety when engaging in sex. If you're drunk, you can't have sex. One more level of irony is that I won't have drunk sex. Even if my friend and I were partners, nothing would have happened.

5. Don't tell people who they should be with.

Everyone is into different things and different people. It's not your place to judge those things. Maybe I'm not attracted to your girlfriend, but guess what, that's not my problem.

TLDR - If you don't want to sleep with me or women who look like me, you don't have to.

However, I'm a beautiful human who has value.

To the guy who stopped us: I'm my beautiful than you'll ever be.

Popular Right Now

I'm Still Friends With My High School Besties As A Senior In College, And I'm So Thankful For That

New friends are silver but the old ones are gold.


As you near the end of high school, it seems like everyone is telling you, "enjoy spending time with your friends now, because once you start college you'll drift apart." At the time, no one wants to believe it, but I will say there definitely is some truth in that. There were 800 people in my high school graduating class, but there's only a handful of those people who I've actually hung out with since our graduation parties. However, it's certainly not true about all friends. I'm now a senior in college, and I'm still friends with my high school best friends.

While things have definitely been different since we've been in college, our friendship hasn't changed. In high school we bonded over the French classes that we took together and our love for dance. Although we don't see each other every day in class anymore or after school at dance practice, that's only made me more appreciative of the time that we do get to spend all together. I always look forward to that time, whether it's spent going on adventures, laughing together at a coffee shop or even just sitting at home and watching a movie.

I've made a lot of amazing friends in college, but there's still something comforting about having friends who knew you as an awkward 14-year-old who you can turn to and reminisce about the past with. We may not talk to each other every day and we often go months without all three of us being together, but when we are together again we pick up right where we left off. No matter how far apart we are physically, I know they'll be there for me in an instant, whenever I need them (even if FaceTime is the best we can do).

I know I'm not the only person to stay friends with their high school best friends, but I also know that many people don't. So I'm so thankful that this friendship has continued on past our four years of high school. As we get ready to head into the next chapter of our lives in a few months, a lot is going to change all over again. I don't know if we'll ever live out our high school dream of living together in the city or even when the next time we'll all be living in the same state will be, but our friendship has made it this far and I know it won't end here.

Caitlin and Andrea, thanks for sticking by my side for the past four years. Here's to all the memories we have yet to make together.

Related Content

Connect with a generation
of new voices.

We are students, thinkers, influencers, and communities sharing our ideas with the world. Join our platform to create and discover content that actually matters to you.

Learn more Start Creating

Your Body Positivity May Be Someone Elses Body Negativity So Don't Define Your Worth With Your Curves

It's time for women to focus on being strong rather than promoting being over-weight.


Nothing bothers me more than scrolling through my Instagram feed and coming across a photo that is hashtagged '#Fatkini' or '#TheBiggerTheBetter' or '#LoveMyCurves'.

Don't get me wrong, I love that people that lack the picture perfect body shape are comfortable with their bodies or are they?

Does it ever cross your mind that maybe these people are posting these photos because they aren't comfortable with their bodies and because they are looking for the approval they need? They are just waiting behind their screen for someone to comment, "I love this!" or "you go girl!" just so they can look in the mirror later and not feel quite as bad about what they see.

The truth is, underneath the makeup they are wearing and the clothes they are promoting, their face is broken out because they aren't healthy, their knees hurt from the extra weight, they haven't been to the gym in 2 years, they can't keep up with their kids, and their curves are screaming from the laced-up corset underneath their shirt. Maybe these people are comfortable with the skin they are in, and I hope for their sake that they are, but chances are they aren't.

Let's look at it from another point of view.

Imagine you are battling an eating disorder. You are struggling to eat, you can't gain weight, you're pale, your hair is falling out, and people are starting to notice. How would you feel if you constantly saw people promoting having the weight that you just can't seem to find? You don't see these people posting on Instagram with #SkinnyIsInny or #SkinnierIsPrettier and you shouldn't be posting about your curves either.

Don't get me wrong. I'm tall, athletic, thick thighed (thanks dad), and decently curvy buy you will never find me promoting my size or my weight and you will never ever see me bragging about my body type. Sure, I'll post a picture in a bikini or laying by the pool with friends but talking about my size is not something you will find in the caption.

It's time for women to focus on being strong rather than promoting being over-weight. Wouldn't you much rather have someone comment on your amazing quads and rounded glutes than congratulating you for snapping a picture of your cellulite?

There are plenty of ways to be comfortable with your body without talking about it in the public's eye. Wear your most flattering jeans to a restaurant, strut your stuff in your cheeky bathing suit bottoms at the pool, wear tight leggings to the gym, but never promote your size, simply because you don't know what battles the people that are seeing your #Fatkini photo are fighting.

So, remember ladies: Curvy is in, promoting it isn't. Cellulite is natural, posting pictures of it isn't. Stretch marks are proof that your body has grown and changed or maybe even supported another life but talking about them will not make the stretch marks fade. Just keep in mind that your cry for a confidence boost may be someone else's breaking point. Don't be the reason they break.

Related Content

Facebook Comments