To The Guy Who Told My Friend That 'He Could Do Better,' My Body Does NOT Determine My Worth

To The Guy Who Told My Friend That 'He Could Do Better,' My Body Does NOT Determine My Worth

FYI, I'm great in bed.

782
views

I've been overweight my whole life. I don't have any memories of being "normal" size.

Don't blame my parents, they put in my sports and I ate lots of vegetables. For someone reason, I wasn't able to eat like other kids and be "normal."

As the "fat girl" for my whole life, I'm comfortable with that title. In many ways, it is forever ingrained in my identity. I stopped letting comments bother me in middle school.

I love my body, you don't have to.

Last night, my male best friend and I went out to a typical college bar together. Our night was remarkably normal. There was a couple about to have sex in a dancing cage, people that were too drunk bumped into us and we saw many of our friends. Stubby Tuesday is the place to be every week.

We were walking out the door, when this random guy stood up and stopped us. He leaned into and attempted to whisper to my friend.

"You can do better," he said.

Ironically, my friend couldn't hear a word this asshole said, but I could. He tried to tell him almost 5 times. Over and over again he said it. "You can do better."

I tried to explain.

"We're just friends," I said.

This guy looked at me and acted like he didn't know what I was talking about. Like I wasn't even there.

I leaned in and explained to my friend what was happening. We laughed it off and walked away.

Outside of the bar, we talked about what had just happened. We joked about it and "agreed" this random man was definitely interested in taking my guy friend home.

"I feel flattered," he said.

This guy was so concerned that my friend would have sex with a fat girl, that he needed to intervene.

To this man and other people who think this in their heads, here's what you need to know.

1. My weight doesn't determine my value.

Hi. I'm a human. I have feelings. Treat me like someone who deserves respect. I felt like an object to this guy. One that should be replaced. He doesn't have to want to be with me, but don't judge other people's choices.

2. Your actions have repercussions.

Do you read the news? Have you noticed that the things you do affect people? Think before you act. What if the woman you did that to wasn't self-confident? How would you feel if you had caused harm in her life?

3. I'm great in bed.

You'll have to take my word on this one. But you can read about it here.

4. It would be totally appropriate to ask if we're sober enough to have sex.

Just to be clear, please check in with folks about their sobriety when engaging in sex. If you're drunk, you can't have sex. One more level of irony is that I won't have drunk sex. Even if my friend and I were partners, nothing would have happened.

5. Don't tell people who they should be with.

Everyone is into different things and different people. It's not your place to judge those things. Maybe I'm not attracted to your girlfriend, but guess what, that's not my problem.

TLDR - If you don't want to sleep with me or women who look like me, you don't have to.

However, I'm a beautiful human who has value.

To the guy who stopped us: I'm my beautiful than you'll ever be.

Popular Right Now

8 Hacks For Making Long Distance More Bearable, From The Girl Who's Made It Work

Long-distance relationships are hard, but not impossible.

560
views

There are hardships that come along with being apart from the person you love, but making it work can be just as rewarding. Long distance is never easy, but it does not have to be all bad...

1. Make time for each other

Especially when in a long-distance relationship, it is important to take time out of your day to remind your significant other that you care and are interested in what they are doing on a day to day basis. Even if you can't be together physically, it's important to be there for each other emotionally.

2. Trust your partner

Not seeing your partner can be hard, especially if you have trust issues going on in your relationship. It is important that you trust your partner 100%, so you are not always worrying about what they are doing when they are not texting you back.

3. Phone calls

Sometimes a bad day can be turned around simply by hearing your partners voice, sometimes texting gets old and a good ol' fashioned phone call can make all of the difference. Whenever I am feeling down, it always helps to call and talk things out, so I do not feel so alone.

4. Visit each other

Depending on the distance between you and your partner, visiting each other during breaks or whenever you have time can make things not feel so "weird" if you have been away from each other for a long time. My boyfriend and I live 2 1/2 hours away and we would take turns visiting each other. Not seeing each other for a couple of weeks, or months and then seeing each other again is a feeling I cannot describe. It makes you feel like everything you are doing is worth it, but it is important that visits are both sided, and one is not flying/driving to the other more.

5. Effort

The relationship will not work unless you want it too, and effort is key in this situation. One-sided relationships will never work, and will often leave the other person dissatisfied in the relationship. Initiation for visits, phone calls or even a simple text message being constantly from one partner is not fair and shows a lack of effort from the other person. If you care about someone you should want to do anything you can to reassure them that you care.

6. Don't obsess

It is easy to start obsessing about constantly talking to your partner and always being around to talk when they are free, but you need to make sure you do not start to lose yourself. Things could be amazing when you are together, but when you have to be apart it is important to stay busy and have relationships with other people in your life. It is easy to just want to sit in your room and talk to your significant other all day, but you need to live your life the way you normally would. Otherwise, what would you really have to talk about at the end of the night?

7. Cherish the time you have together

Finally seeing your significant other after extended periods of time can be bittersweet. The initial excitement can fade away when reality sets in and you know you will be a part in the next few days or weeks. Don't dwell on the fact that you will be apart again, but instead make the most out of every moment you have together. Utilize the fact one of you is in a new place and take these opportunities to make new memories and do new things together. Make each visit better than the last, yes it is sad it can't always be this way, but you have to make the most out of every situation.

8. What will be, will be

If the relationship is meant to work out it will, and if it is not that is OK. Do not force anything to try to drag a relationship along, if signs of distance are being shown from your partner, do not become blind to them and ignore it. Long distance is not for everyone and can become too much for some people, you have to understand it is not you that is the problem. As I said, what will be, will be and there is nothing you can really do besides put your all into the relationship.

I have been with my boyfriend for almost two years and a majority of our relationship has been long distance. I swore to myself I would never go into a long-distance relationship, but sometimes when you meet the right person it is all worth it. These eight tips have helped me in my relationship, not feel so alone, and keep my relationship happy and healthy.

Related Content

Connect with a generation
of new voices.

We are students, thinkers, influencers, and communities sharing our ideas with the world. Join our platform to create and discover content that actually matters to you.

Learn more Start Creating

Stop Focusing On Diets And Start Focusing On What Your Body Needs

We all want that Kardashian body but we need to treat our bodies right first

65
views

One of the most frustrating things is when you see your friend shove Taco Bell, Chik-Fil-A, and then a shake down her throat and still fit into those size 0 pants that night, sans muffin top.

Playing sports my whole life had left me with an athletic body shape, which I honestly loved. However, going to college, eating crappy food at random hours, and not working out constantly really changed that for me. I started noticing a difference in my body that made me unhappy.

No longer could I just rely on my soccer practices or tennis matches to get the fun workout in; I needed to stay in shape. I now had to fit working out into my busy schedule along with managing the first semester of college, yikes.

I was constantly on edge putting myself through random diets barely having time to workout out alongside my classes and sorority, in turn, having me feel very unhealthy. Going on social media and having the explore page pop up with stunning, in shape fitness models wasn't a self-esteem booster either. It seemed almost impossible to get the Kardashian body that is splashed throughout the media no matter how hard you work.

That is, until one day I had a talk with a close friend and I realized that I was focusing on something I could not control. I was created and could not change the body I was given. Her perspective was insightful, to say the least. She was the opposite of me, unable to gain weight, and she absolutely hated it and always being told she was too skinny her whole life.

Instead of beating ourselves up we should focus on the positives of ourselves and if you really want to change do it in healthy ways. As cliche as it sounds, it really is how you feel about yourself and treating your body the best you can.

Each person has their own body shape and has to take different actions to feel good and secure in themselves For me, I had to eat healthy because being so short I am prone to gain weight and it doesn't have a lot of places to go. Along with eating healthy to stay in shape, I joined a CrossFit gym which keeps me active. For my super skinny friend, she has to eat more than the rest of us and not work out as intensely.

Finding what works for you is honestly the best thing there is to do because again it all about your OWN body.

Just because I cannot look like Kim Kardashian or fitness model Tammy Hebrow if I'm staying healthy, I am being happy. I think this is something we as women should realize. Each person gains weight in different places and has different shapes and each and everyone is absolutely beautiful.

Related Content

Facebook Comments